Happy Birthday!

Monday, the 28th of Feburary is my mother's birthday. Well, not exactly that day. She was born on leap year. There's only two times in the year that gets me sad. This will be one of those days.

I really wish she was alive so I can go celebrate her birthday with her. But life is cruel and no one gets out of it unscathed. Well anyways, all I'm trying to say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY mom! I hope in heaven you get a big cake with a lot of candles!

There's a song by Steve Werner called Holes in The Floor of Heaven. When I had a tennis game in high school I thought of this song, thinking that there were holes up there and she was watching. Or when I got married, she was up there, watching her little girl's wedding. And when I gave birth she was up there, crying for joy because I gave her a beautiful grandson.

How I wish that she were here to see how much her kids have grown up. We have families of our own, we accomplished a lot in our lives. All I want her to see is that her kids have the lives that she couldn't possibly dream of. In the good way of course.

I love you mom. Happy birthday to you!

Here's that song.

Happy Valetine's Day

The big day has come. Many men are going to be sweating all day trying to get their loved ones a Valentine's Day gift. Usually I don't celebrate it. I have come to an agreement with my self that all this day is for is for the candy companies, and the card companies to get richer off of us poor folk.

Now that I'm married, however, my husband I agreed that we will celebrate it. We agreed that this time of the year, we will be thankful for what the other one has done all year long.

What has my husband done for me this year? Well, he works and pays the bills. Which I am exceedingly grateful for. Once I got out of the military, I haven't had to lift a finger at another job. Even though most of you will probably agree that a stay at home mom is a full time job without medical benefits and usually without days off. It would be even more difficult if I had to work on top of it.

Not once has my husband got onto me about not having a job or what not. He understands that my life is crazy with just raising our son. I know some people would demand that their wife go back to work. If you think about it, the days where one partner works and the other stays at home with the kids is long gone. Not in this economy can you do that. But my husband is a sweetheart. He doesn't complain about it.

And he knows that the next few years are going to be ever hard for us. He's getting out which means we both will have to look for jobs. You know what he offered though? That when he gets out, he will find a full time job while I go to college until after I get through the nursing program, that way it wouldn't be so hard on me to go to college and work at the same time. How awesome is that? Then, after I get done with all my college and get employed as a nurse, he will do the stay at home thing while going to college.

My only regret is that I can't get him something nice for Valetine's. The only thing I could think of was to let him relax yesterday on his last day off for the weekend. So I packed my child in the car, grabbed my friend, and we went mall cruising for awhile. My husband told me that was the best gift I could give him. Usually I just leave the baby with him and split because I want time away from the kid. Yesterday though, I let him have some time off.

I can't believe how much my life has changed. Last Valentine's Day, I was alone and pregnant. I slept through most of the day that day. Seeing as how it was a Sunday, I didn't want to do anything. Now though, I have a child, and my husband and I are finally living together. It's a beautiful life!

Cloud 9

I feel like I'm on Cloud 9 right now. Why you ask? Let me explain.

So I got out of the military about seven months ago, wanting to go to college. It took that long, and many colleges later, to finally find the college right for me. It was a headache, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't going to be able to go to college for what I wanted. And sometimes I felt like I wasted my life in the military because some of the VA reps and various colleges were yanking me around.

Then, as I was talking to my sister, almost giving up hope, she told me about Everest. She recommended me to call them and just talk to them about what I wanted to do and see if they had something to offer. It took me a couple of minutes to get my courage up to play ring around the rosy with yet another college before making that call.

I'm glad I did though. Not only did they had what I wanted, the staff were real professional and nice. Not one got mad at me because my baby demanded my attention, not one got mad because I had "too many" questions. As soon as I opened my mouth and told them I was a veteran, the guy put me on the phone with the VA reps working there.

And let me tell you, it was a relief off my back. They all knew how to help me with the benefits and applying for college. And that is worth more weight in gold. I had some college tell me that they do accept the benefits, but don't know how to help me with them. I had some VA reps from other colleges either didn't want to be bothered, not show up for the appointments, or told me flat out that I had to pay out of pocket for now until they can get my stuff approved because it was going to take a while.

Like I said, a headache. But not with this college. And I am glad. Also they acted like distant friends that you haven't seen in awhile. I know, weird analogy, but that's what it felt like to me.

All I have to say is, if you are wanting to go back to college, give these guys a call. They will help you or help you find someone that can help  you.

I just hope that my mom is proud of me. I can see the thumbs up and smile on her face. Not just because I am pursuing a degree, but because of everything else. I have a loving family, and a loving set of in-laws.

Also, I realized that through the first year of our marriage, my husband and I learned to grow together. We don't get into as many fights as we did once upon a time. Also, we grew more in love with each other. I love my husband. I doubt he or my child will ever know the true extent of my love for both of them.

Sunday Mornings...

I hate Sunday mornings. Why? I hate them because it's the day before the start of the week day. That's why. Oh but I shouldn't hate the week day starting right? Well, no, I shouldn't. But when you drive your husband to work in the mornings at the butt crack of dawn every morning, then in the afternoon come pick him up, you would too.

Also crazy thought for this morning. Why does my husband get to stay up as long as he wishes and sleep in for as long as he likes? I mean don't get me wrong, I can stay up as long as I wish at night. That's not the problem. The problem lies in who wakes up. Because it won't be my husband. Hell, he'll go so far as to PRETEND to sleep so he doesn't have to get up. When will I be able to sleep in? Oh wait, no there are days when he lets me sleep in. But he doesn't want to deal with the baby, so he ignores him when he cries. So in the end, I have to get up anyways.

Well, today is the Super Bowl. The Steelers vs. the Green Bay Packers. Frankly, I could care less. I don't watch it. Why? Because I can't get sports on my T.V. My husband isn't into it much. Oh well. What can you do?

I wish everyone a happy Sunday. I got to deal with my child and clean the house for the one millionth time.

Wow

So I was going through the blogs of note, and I realized one thing. As I flipped through people's hobbies, like drawing or photography or what not. And I realized, I have no talent. Sure I might pick up stuff like crocheting, but nothing compared to what I see in pictures. It gets me a little sad, because what do I do that makes me stand out from other people? And so help if one of you tells me I'm a good mom...

I could take up a hobby, but it won't feel natural. Maybe cooking? I know I can bake some mean fried chicken. That doesn't feel like a hobby though. If you think about it, it's something you have to do to survive. If you make a shitty meal, no one's going to eat it and there for people are going to opt to starve.

Maybe I'll stop whining about how people are good at things and try my hand at something. Like actually finish on Lil Man's blanket. Or maybe do quilting. That doesn't seem hard at all.

I don't know, so I propose that I do it all to give it a try. Not drawing though. I suck at that. But maybe other things. So as I try something new and actually finish it, I'll post it on here for you guys to criticize it. No, I'm not starting a new blog. I'll just post it on here for everyone else to see and what not.

It Looks Like It Comes Straight Out of A Stephen King Novel!

Have you ever watched Stephen King's The Mist? If not, go rent it, download it, buy it, or whatever. I'll sit here and wait until you get down with watching it before I go on. It's imperative for this blog that you know what I'm going to talk about.

Okay, for those that didn't take my advice and called my bluff, I'll elaborate. In the movie, the fog got so bad that you couldn't see one foot in front of you. And there were things in the mist.

Now picture California. Do you got it, that picture? Let me guess, it's all sunshine and beaches right?

BTW I took this picture about four years ago at Pismo Beach, California.

WRONG! California is not all sun shine and beaches! We have what's called the Valley, and NorCal. Well right now, I live in BFE in the Valley. And in the summer time's it's excruciatingly hot, and in the winter time? Oh we have fog that can rival Mr. King's fog in the Mist.

Oh but Mr. King has monsters in his fog, devouring and killing people. I hear you thinking that. Come on be honest. At least the ones who watched the movie. Guess what? So does California!

They may not be monsters as what you might think of them. You might think of them with big teeth, and big claws, and big eyes... Well, California might not have those particular monsters. 

But what we do have is stupid people in their cars, not paying attention to the fact that you CAN'T see, driving dangerously. So yes, I consider them monsters.

I just have a question for you drivers who do that in the fog. When you are driving in the fog, why do you throw caution to the wind? You aren't supposed to ride up on people's bumper, just in case they have to suddenly stop. You aren't supposed to go speeding through the fog, just in case there's something up ahead that you can't see, oh like a stop sign? Or a stalled car? Or, God forbid, an accident? No, it's like you're tempting fate or some shit.

Anyways I will explain why I am on this particular roll in this particular blog. It isn't something that I am just blogging about, if that were the case, then it would be posted in my other blog. No, this does pertain to me.

Every morning I take my husband to work at butt crack of dawn. In the winter time, there is usually fog around. Today it was bad. Like I said, straight out of a Stephen King novel.

Well, on the ride there, I had a driver ride my ass like Armageddon was following after him, and he wanted to make sure to miss it. I am used to people like that in the fog. I usually just roll my eyes, and slow down a little bit more, to get my message through. It usually doesn't work. Sometimes they like to pass me, which in case I just shake my head. If you can't see in front of you, why would you pass someone?

Anyways, as I passed the old gate leading onto the base, I noticed ANOTHER car doing the same thing as the one behind me was doing up in front. I mean, if the car in front of him touched his brakes, the car behind him would go careening into him, not being able to slow down a fraction, that's how close he was.

I thought I saw it all. I dropped my husband off at work and headed back home. Most of the time, the fog gets worse my leg home. I decided, upon coming up to the old gate entrance to slow down to about 15 mph because oncoming traffic usually blinds me for a second anyways, and in the fog that is very dangerous. Idiots think that they can keep their brights on in the fog, not realizing that all they accomplishing is blinding them and the on coming driver.

Even right now I am thankful that I was driving slow. You see, at the old entrance, there is two stop signs. One for the people coming onto base, and the one wanting to turn left. Yes, it's a T-intersection. The people getting off base has no stop sign.

The guy turning left didn't even slow down a fraction as he pulled out into the intersection. I had a split second to think, wow he's like a foot from hitting me, before reality kicked in and I slammed on the brakes. I swerved to the right, barely avoiding this jackass. You would think that he would at least have hit his brakes a tiny bit. But no, he just kept going like every thing was peachy. And you know what? The guy behind him was turning left also without stopping. I couldn't just back my car up in a second and thank my lucky stars that I missed him too. So I braced for an impact, which luckly, never came. The second driver realized why he heard tires squealing and decided it wasn't safe to continue. 

I'll attribute to the fact that it was very foggy outside, and maybe both the drivers DIDN'T see the stop sign. Okay, I can deal with that. But, the first driver couldn't act like he didn't see me, and just keep going. That's insane. At least the second driver realized that something is wrong when he sees a car in the intersection and slows down.

I drove home shaking all the way back, with tears in my eyes. Yes, I'll admit it. I had tears in my eyes. Why? Because I was very aware of my almost ten month old baby, who was making his I want my bottle cries. That's why. 

I wonder what the first guy would say and feel if he did side swipe me. Say, I was going to fast to slow down enough to avoid him, and he hit me. I wonder how he would feel if he hurt my baby, once he found out that I have a baby in the back seat. I know if that EVER happened, I don't care how hurt I am, I'm going to make the person who hit my hurt so much worse.

Anyways, I just want all of you guys who live somewhere where it gets foggy, to slow down in the fog, and pay attention. Who knows? That person you're riding their ass, might have their family in the car. Or the person that is going slower than you when you drive at break neck speed, again same thing. How would you feel if you were the jackass that hurt or killed some little kid one morning because you were too impatient to drive safely? It's not like you can just blame it on being drunk. I mean yeah you could be, but really. Nothing is too important than being careful when you can't see. 

Thank you if you came to the end with me in this blog. I know it was a little long for me, but I wanted to drive my point across. I hope all of you better days!

How I love that little boy

Isn't it amazing to watch your baby sleep peacefully? Just a minute ago I was in his room, watching him sleep. I softly touched his hand and he grabbed on to it in his sleep and held on. I can't tell you how much love swept through me.

It's funny because when I think about the first time I heard that I was going to be a mommy, all I could think about was how I just ruined my life. It was back on the ship in the middle of deployment. I got pregant when we made the port call in Austraila.

I remember telling the corpsman, HM1, that I didn't want to be a mommy. I sat there crying saying that I ruined my career. At that point she got mad at me and told me that children were a blessing from God. I remember how bitterly I laughed at her, thinking since when?

That memory replayed through my mind tonight as he held my hand. And you know what? She was right. Children are a gift. You may not want them now, but in the end, a self respecting person wouldn't give their children up without a fight. I know I would never give him up. If I had the chance to go back and undo what I did, I wouldn't.

He is part of the reason why I wake up in the mornings. It breaks my heart to know that one day he will be all grown up and gone, no longer the baby that wants to be rocked to sleep by the sounds of his mother's voice.

The only thing I wish for is my mother to be alive to see her grandson. To see how much they resemble each other. To hear him laugh, to watch him as he figures out how to walk. I know that would've brought a smile to her face.

So, to try an honor my mother's memory, I try and be the best mommy that he needs. Not that I wouldn't anyways, I just want my mother proud on how I'm raising him.

Anyways I'm going to go to sleep now. I just couldnNt hold that in. I love my little family with all my heart. And I know that if I become senile, I will never forget these precious memories of him.

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