YAY

Another week and Mike comes home. I can't wait. I have been counting down the days since getting here.

So I went to Roppongi last weekend for the first time. Had some ice cream that had ice on top with red dye. It was actually good. Learned not to eat purple ice cream. That tastes like yam! Eww. And you can't blame me for my hormonial tastes for that. I also went to Tokyo Tower. Tokyo looks so crowded. You could barely see the palace from the tower.

I had major clausterphobia in that elevator. In Japan, there's no such thing as personal space. That and when we were going up, I was freaking out. I hate heights. And going up like 650 meter, just sucks.

But all and all I had fun. It was a day to forget that I was pregnant, to forget my worries and just have fun. And I loved that. I hate not doing anything, not going anywhere. Espiscally now, when it seems like everything is overwhelming me.

Mike wants to know where I would get married. We are not having a traditional wedding because of our beliefs, but honestly, I can't say. I would love to get married on a beach somewhere remote, but we are getting married in Oklahoma, so that's a no for the beach. I'm sure that it will work out in the end.

Next week I also have another checkup. This one I really will have an ultrasound done. My pants are becoming more and more tight on me. Now it's to the point of leaving marks on my belly and hips. I can only stay in these for so long and I have to get out of them. But I refuse to buy maternity uniforms. That's an embarrasing uniform because it tries to hide your belly. And it makes people stare. The pants can't help it, that's what they were designed to do.

At my seventh? week

I have a question mark right after the seventh because I think that I am getting close to the big seven week mark. My stomach hasn't gotten that much bigger yet. Thankfully I still can fit in my uniform.

My gums are starting to bleed. The dentist tells me that I would have to start flossing. I haven't flossed because my teeth are sensitive and it hurts. At this point, I would do anything just to have my gums be normal.

I am also thinking about putting pictures up on here that marks my week progression. It seems like every other woman likes to take pictures and leave them on the internet, why can't I? It's not like I am hidding anything. The whole world knows. Yes, I'm speaking to all of you readers.

I am waiting for the puking to start. The docs tell me that it's because I am not far along enough to have that pleasant vistor come to call. But still, not looking for that one. Although when I wake up in the morning, I get into a cold sweat and feel like I am going to puke. Two years out on the seas have taught me to play a trick with my own mind. It's simple, everytime you think you are going to puke, think of something else. Usually I start to picture the boat rocking and it calms my stomach because the next thing I think about is a flat surface, ie, a road. That calms my stomach down.

Also it seems like I can't control my emotions. I just want to either cry, be mad, or be happy in the space of five seconds. It's crazy. Mike and I are arguing over every little thing now through our emails, and I wish it wasn't like that. I don't want him to think that he has to be careful around me because he might pull the plug and get some weird/crazy emotion whirling at him.

I am still in Japan though. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be where my family is. Where home is. I want to be near Mike, I want to see him on a regular basis. But instead we are forced to write emails back and forth and it's kind of hard because we work on two total different shifts.

Anyways, I will end this particular blog here because I don't want it going into a ranting fit.

I went back to the OB today, found out my due date. Which is the 28 of March. I doubt that that is actually my due date, seeing as how I know when I concieved. But at least it gives me a date to go off of it. Am I nervous? Hell yeah I am. I wish that eight months go by quickly and I don't remember giving birth. Like if I just close my eyes and open them, there's a baby in my arms. I know, it sound kind of crazy. But can't help what I am feeling.

I am also worried about my sister. She isn't doing too good. She says that she is getting more and more tired and the sun hurts her eyes. I hope that it's not a relapse. And I hope that she isn't lying to me because I'm pregnant and she doesn't want to worry me. I am already worried, so why hide it?

I miss Mike. It sucks that we only have emails to keep in contact. How can I possibly let him know every tiny aspect of my life if he's not here. I wish he was here to hold me, and be my body pillow. I know what he would say if he read this, that I shouldn't be sad. But how can I help it? I try and forget that I am in a foreign country alone without anyone. But it's hard sometimes.

The other night I dreamed that I gave birth to my baby, but it was so tiny and so wrinkly. Like how could it possibly live? And the doctors were trying to get me to breast feed it, and I kept pushing the baby away because I was scared of it. When I woke up, I thought that it was real. I hope that my baby doesn't come out like that dream. It's not even a face that a mother would love.

I blame the movie the Unborn for that one. How can someone really think to make a movie that creepy then sell it to the general public? You want to know my secret fear? That I will turn into my mother. That I will be a spineless, worthless person. That I won't keep any of my promises, and that I will turn hypacrytical. That's why I didn't want to have kids.

Baby bouncing

So I found out maybe a week and a half ago that I am pregnant. It was the worst time to find out because I was deployed. But after the shock of finding out, I am excited. So I am going to make this blog centered on my pregnancy.

I am almost five weeks pregnant. (The doctors think around six and a half. But I know when I concieved, and it was almost five weeks ago.) Mike, my boyfriend is really happy. His sister took me in like another sister, so I am grateful for that.

In another four months I will know what sex my child is. Hopefully it is a girl. If so then we are going to name it Cathrine Marie. If it's a boy then we are going to name it Donald Ian. I don't care if I don't get a girl. I will love my child either way.

What is hard right now is that Mike is away on deployment still. I am hoping that I will stick around Japan long enough for the boat to pull in. That way I can see him one last time before they send me state side.

I am not having morning sickness, and if you didn't know me before, you wouldn't guess that I am preggers. My stomach got a little bit bigger, but not by much. I am worried that I won't be a good mom.

I also picked up the book What to expect when you are expecting. It answered many questions. I will also ask some more to the OB. My first prenatal visit is next monday. I hope it goes alright. They already took five vials of blood from me to test to make sure that I am okay. Which I know I am because they ran the same exact tests not even a year ago. I guess you can't be too cautious?