Thursday, November 3, 2011

Three Days Left!

Three days left until the nursing school starts. I am so nervous, and excited! I still can't believe that I got into the school. There was only so many spots open, and I could have sworn I would not have made it. I even told my admissions rep to start the paper work for medical assisting school if I didn't get in.

Also I found out that I am getting a nice bit of change from my last college. It's a refund. Didn't even know I was getting it, or that they tried to mail it to me. I moved from California, so it was returned to them. It's cool though, my son will get a nice little Christmas, and I will get new glasses. I need them, the ones I have are broken.

I have to say goodbye to taking naps in the morning when my son goes down. I will have to use that time to do my homework. Hopefully, this school will be more of a challenge for me than the last school. Something about being an online school, it is not challenging. I love a good challenge. That way I can overcome it, and be a better person for it.

I guess I am weird that way. Most people might want the easy way out. Me though, I want to be challenged.

My son now knows how to say I love Dadda, amongst other things. It's is so cool to watch my child grow up from a baby to a full blown toddler. I only hope the best for him in life. And I want to give him the best in life. That is why I am going to be a nurse. The money is good, and my son won't need to want for anything. That, and that's one of the only things left for jobs. Hospitals needs nurses. They are practically begging for them.

Thursday, August 18, 2011


When you think of your very young child, what feelings do you get? Do you get all warm inside, and smile outwards? What if they are being a brat? What then?

Today, my child refused to take a nap. I had him in the crib less then ten minutes, and he got up and started screaming. I figured that he would fall asleep while I took a shower. Nope. So I figured he would fall asleep pretty soon afterwards. Nope. I went into my bedroom to take a nap, because I was tired. I couldn't get to sleep because my son kept screaming at the top of his lungs.

Finally, about an hour of it, I got up, got him out of the crib, and let him play in the living room. He hid behind the curtain, screaming his head off, looking out the window. I guess he was trying to get a neighbor concerned about his well being. Luckily, no one was around to question my parenting. I took out one of his snack foods, and made him some lunch. While I was microwaving something that probably will give an older person pause to wonder if it will cause a heart attack, my son decided to take the snack, dump it all on the ground, and squish it into the carpet.

After that, he decided to give his lunch to the dogs. Or tried too. I knew what he was thinking, and let my two whore mongering mutts outside so he couldn't make sure they ate his food.

What did I get for that? My son throwing my cell phone around like it was expendable. I don't let him play with it anymore. Once he figured out he can make Mommy dance around nervously while he tried breaking it that is. Don't ask me how he got it. How he gets it every day. That child is a freaking ninja.

I decided to put him back down for a nap. He was acting like a little devil, and I was at my patience. I didn't want my husband to come home and see Donnie hanging by his toes on the ceiling while his wife was drinking some bliss out of a beer bottle. I figured that that would be just a tiny bit too much.

Also, who would have thought being married means your husband turns into a two year old himself? I constantly have to go around, picking up his messes which he refuses to pick up himself. Added to that, if he sees dog poop on the ground, he refuses to pick it up, letting me find it. Which usually ends up in me stepping in it.

Today was my breaking point. Not only did he not throw away the pee filled diaper, thus enabling my puppy to chew it into a tiny pieces on the ground, but he left a steaming pile of dog shat on my carpet. When asked, he claimed that he was butt naked, and couldn't pick it up. Oh wait, but he still walked through the house to the laundry room ass naked. Does that make any sense? Usually, his replies are along the lines of, I don't have time because I am getting ready for work. But he has about half an hour to dick around after he gets ready.

Today is one of the days that I wish with all my heart that I have never gotten pregnant. Where would I be? Probably on a beach somewhere, getting drunk, and not for one moment wondering what it would be like to be "settled down." I think God did this for a laugh. You know, a laugh at me.

Don't get me wrong, when things are going good, they are going great. But it only sucks when things fall apart. I know that people can't have their way all time, but come on! Excuse me while I look for what's left of my sanity!

Thursday, August 11, 2011


Sometimes I feel so old. I know what you are thinking, but you are only in your twenties. Yeah, but get this. How many people do you know was in the military? That takes years off your life I swear. Then after the military, how many people do you know has a child, and then goes back to college? While every one else you know has gone through college while you were doing your thing. Yeah, so I may not be the oldest person going back, that is reserved for the people that makes a career out of getting degrees. That to me is senseless.

Anyways, thats what's going through my mind. That I have led two lives. One was where I grew up in a fast hurry, seeing the world, and taking on the safety of your country. The other, trying to catch up to where every one is at. Most people who look at me without knowing me, would only guess that I am starting out in life, not that I am in the middle of my life. Well, hypothetically anyways.

Also, I thought that the worst drivers were in California. Hah! I was wrong! Just today, I almost got in two wrecks while driving back from dropping Mike off at work. The first was a truck that tried turning left while I was going through the intersection. There's a little sign that says yield to oncoming traffic when you are turning left, not oncoming traffic should yield to you. Hmm, that shouldn't be hard to decipher.

Anyways, I had three options. One, to keep barrling through, and end up hitting the idiot, to slam on the brakes and grit my teeth, hoping not to hit the idiot, or to punch the gas, slam the car into a lower gear, and take off. Being a speed freak sometimes, and knowing my car is fast, what option do you think I took? I slammed my car into a lower gear, and punched it. As I was speeding past the idiot, I honked my horn and flipped him off. You know what he did? He honked back! WTF?

The second near collision came when I was getting onto the free way. Okay, so I realize that the on ramps are only like ten feet. Not enough to actually be able to speed up safely before getting onto the freeway. What's worse that most of them has a speed limit of 35 when the free way is between 60 to 65, depending on what free way you get onto. I quickly looked to my left to see if there was any oncoming traffic in the slow lane. There was a diesel truck a little ways back, enough for me to get on. Well, the retard decided to see how fast he can go while I was merging. I had to slow down, and get over onto the right as this long as truck past me. I swear, what the fuck is wrong with the drivers? Does everyone want to try and get a new paint job/body repair? Or is everyone addicted to pain killers and decided that they wanted to get them by getting into a wreck? I swear, if someone hits me, I am going to jump out of the car and complain about neck and back pain, just to screw with them. That and I am going to beat the shit out of the person that hit me. I have my child in the back seat, I don't need him going to the hospital just because people can't pay attention while they are driving.

The only time I saw where everyone was cautious on the road was yesterday. That was because it was raining so hard that you couldn't see two feet in front of you. After the storm passed though, it was like everyone remembered they got their driver's license out of a cracker jack box.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Internal Fears

Today, a wave of depression hit me. I can't help it most of the time. My day can be going great, then bam, I start to feel depressed. This time, I was thinking about how our lives are turning out.

Mike and I discussed when I become a nurse, and what that might mean for both of us. It seems like Mike will be a stay at home dad, while I work that 12 hour shift that the nurses at the hospitals work.

I just don't want our little family turning out like how my life was like a child. I know Mike will never be like Jack, but still. I am afraid that I will become like Jack. I can still see him in my mind sometimes.

In my memories that haunt me, it's always him asleep on the couch, and me being afraid of waking him up. That fear always stayed with us children every day. You did not wake the sleeping monster. But it was a catch 22. If you didn't wake him up, he would become enraged that we didn't wake him up to "check up" while we were outside. But if we did wake him up, he would make us go in the room because he wanted to sleep. Then he would get mad because we didn't go out and play.

I promised myself a long time ago that both me and my husband would work because I didn't want a mooching husband who abused my children. I guess it's a fail safe for them. That's another reason why I went into the military, instead of nursing school. You see, my mother groomed her twin daughters for the nursing school, so we can be a nurse. At least that's what I feel like what happened when she was homeschooling us.

I didn't want to be a nurse, with a family, and a husband who did drugs, stayed at home, and abused my children. Again, I know it's not like Mike to do that. Still, reality hits hard. If Mike and I both work, then who's going to watch Donnie? I am sure that my mother in law wouldn't mind for a little while, but after that?

I don't know. Sometimes Jack haunts me still. When I am punishing my child, I remember Jack getting mad, and I want to curl up in a corner somewhere and cry because I feel like I am not good enough to be a mom.

It's like I am too dirty to be a mother. That I will turn into the monster that I faced every day in my life while I was growing up. No one knows how it feels like to live with fear every day. To be afraid to go out and play because you know what awaits you when you come back.

Or when you do the dishes. I remember one night, my grandma Ginny came over with a kitten. This was around midnight or so. I can't remember the time, only that it was really late at night. Jack was sleeping all day, we went without dinner again, and my sister and I was laying in bed, trying to go to sleep. Jack called out for me. I started shaking, because I was too scared to get up. Usually, when he woke up, he would make something for himself, and if the dishes weren't up to his standards of clean, he'd beat who ever it was that did them last.

This night was different though. I forced my self to get up, to go out there. I figured the better to get the beating over with quick so I can go back to sleep. My sister was crying in the top bunk for me. She knew what was going to happen. Or her thoughts were running parallel with mine. When I got to the kitchen, I saw Grandma Ginny and her neighbor, whom I never saw before. I hesitantly came out to the living room, while Jack was getting more pissed that I was taking my time coming out.

There, on his lap, was a kitten. I was so relieved that it was a ball of fur, rather than a balled fist. I called my sister out, and I can see that she was relieved also.

But that fear, I don't want my child to ever know. To be too scared to come out of your room. The room that became your sanctuary because the monster never came in. He always called you out. Only rarely did the monster enter the room, and that was to pull us out to beat us out of the room.

Now my child flinches when he gets in trouble, as if I am going to hit him. Which I have never done before. And it breaks my heart every time he does. He is the exact copy of me, with a little of Mike in his appearance. So it's like watching a younger version of me getting scared.

How can I ever explain that feeling to anyone? No one knows the constant fear. No one knows how bad it got. No one has seen what I have seen in my life. And I am afraid that if I become a nurse, and follow Mom's life, that my children will suffer, because it's exactly like following in Mom's life.

My mother was as good as a mom as you can get while being in denial. While you denied the bruises on your children, the busted lips, the stick thin children looking at you hungrily. How I hated my mother while I grew up. How I hated my mother being in denial, telling us that our "father" was a good dad, and that everyone is just talking crap. She hid in her work. She went to the hospital, and forgot about what she saw at home, convincing herself that nothing was going on.

How I don't want my children to carry the same resentment. How I want them to have a childhood free of worry and fear. And I feel like I am letting Donnie down by being a nurse. That it's just going to be a circle again. A circle that cannot be broken.

I am a broken person, living in a shitty world, trying to raise my child better than I was raised. It's scarey, it's hard, and I feel like I am a shitty person by bringing him into the world.

I watch crime shows, and some of them have child victims, and I cry for my child inside, where no one can see. Because I don't want anything like that or my childhood to afflect him. To have him live with the horrible memories, while trying to find some good in his mom. To try and redeem his mother.

Maybe my sister has the right of it, to hate Mom so. She hates her with every being in her body. While I try and remember the good things about Mom. How she taught me to quilt, and knit. How she taught us both how to cook. How she home schooled us. But is it enough? Is it enough to try and teach us to be ladies while her husband beat us bloody?

I cannot express the emotions that are always going through me. The thoughts I have about my past. The things I have seen, and been through can make a grown man cry. I just hope that I am not following my Mother's footsteps exactly. I hope that I will be a better mom that my mother was. I hope I have enough of a backbone to beat the shit out of the person that dares lays a finger on my beautiful boy.

I also hope that he will never live through what I have. I know, this post isn't exactly like all the posts I have posted before. I just had to put it down, I had to let it out. I remember my therapist told me that writing out your feelings would help to vent them. To help you over come them.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Nursing School Here I Come!

I got my acceptance letter for the nursing school at Platt College the other day! I was so excited. This is what I want to do. I want to be a nurse. The only thing I stumbled on was why I want to be a nurse.

I can tell you the reason they want to hear. I want to be a nurse because I like caring for people. That's true, I don't like someone being in distress medically. But that's not the true reason why I want to be a nurse. I really can't tell you, other than it's in my blood to be one. Every fiber of my being wants to be a nurse. I think this is what I am supposed to do. If not, then I wouldn't have made it into the nursing school.

I kind of knew that I was getting in once the Director of Nursing stayed behind after the group interview to talk with me. I didn't want to count my chickens though. Because I got my hopes up, they could have been smashed into the ground.

All I have to do is get through school, get my degree, then get my license. After that, I am home free. Then I will be working at the hospital. I can't wait for that. I know the shifts are two 12 hour shifts, but I am used to working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. So I think I will be perfect for the job.

All I have to say, is never give up on your dreams. 

Friday, July 29, 2011

It Was A Long Day

Man, have you ever took your toddler somewhere for a couple hours? I am sure you have. But have you ever took him somewhere where he doesn't really supposed to be? Yeah, been there today. My car needed to get some repairs, and seeing as how my husband was at work, it fell to me to take the car to the mechanics. That is, my child and I.

At first it wasn't too bad. My child sat there, and watched cartoons in the waiting area, eating some snacks that I brought with me. After about half an hour, he got curious. I was chasing him all over. I couldn't get him to sit still.

After awhile, I took him to the bathroom, locked the door, and put my head in my hands, cussing the fates for having a curious baby. Of course it was the bathroom, and other than it smelling not so lovely, someone eventually tried using the bathroom. So that ended that one. At least I had a time out so to speak.

The pencil pusher behind the desk got mad at me because I kept asking him when my car was going to be finished. Seriously, when he have kids, he will know why I was bugging him.

Oh, and I came to a conclusion today. Dealers at the car dealerships are creepy, and fake. Sitting at the car dealership today, letting their mechs work on my car, I got to people watch. I had to laugh when someone came through the door, and ten people surrounded he/she/them.

Really? Don't gag me with a bunch of people if I am looking for a new car. Let me pick the dealer when I walk through the doors. Good thing my husband went to pick out the car when we bought a car, and not me.

The last time I bought a car, there was only one guy who came up to me. The rest couldn't care less. That's how I like it. That shows more professionalism than not.

Anyways, at least my car is fixed now. I don't even want to think what else will go wrong in a couple of months. I might get a headache the size of Texas.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

All to Myself Again

Mike started work yesterday. So now I am left with Donnie and the dogs for the majority of the day. Just a couple of months ago, I hated it. I hated being by myself with a routine that never changed.

It was get up, take Mike to work, come back, put Donnie down for a couple of hours, hopefully, go back to sleep, get up, fix Donnie something to eat, clean house, or not, go pick Mike up.

Now, I can't see why I hated it. Mike and I never had a break from each other in over two months. Where one was, the other was bound to be. Unless I went to my sister-in-law's house.

I can breathe better without someone constantly hanging around me. (Donnie doesn't count.) Plus, I have alone time. When Donnie is sleeping, I can read in peace, or go online and BS, without my husband inturrupting me. I can also clean the house without him being here to help mess it up.

Okay, truth time, I didn't clean the house today. Decided to just to the laundry. But still, even that has a peaceful feeling. I don't have anyone but my conscience asking me if I started it or not.

So the test results came out for the nursing school. I passed it, with a really high score in both subjects. This Thursday, I have an interview with the Director of Nursing. If truth be known, I doubt I can make a good impression on her. Yeah, I scored high, was in the military, and have really good references, but still. The numbers are stacked against me. I don't even know how many spots are open now.

I know I did this one time too. When I made E4. Only 54 people made it, and I was one of the ones that did. That was a shock, I got lucky. This time, I am not quiet so sure.

Lady is acting like a puppy. A puppy I would love to hang by her stub of a tail. Oh does she act like a puppy now. If she's not up to something, she's pooping something out on my carpets. She learned not to pee in the house, now to break her of the poop.

Poor Jenny is so jealous when Lady comes near me. It's weird. That dog has never cared who or what was around me, until I got my boxer. Now she curls up with me in bed, sits next to me, and follows me around. I suspect it's because she doesn't want Lady to get all the attention. It's kind of annoying. But cute too.

Donnie is sixteen months tomorrow. Wow, has time flew by. He's such a cute little boy. I can hardly call him a baby any more. In my heart though, he will always be my baby. When I look at him, I will always see that tiny, defenseless infant. I can't help it.

If I do get in the nursing school, and graduate, I am going to have another child. I was laying in bed this morning thinking that Donnie should have a playmate. Someone that he can interact with, have fun with, and get in trouble with. That way it should free up my time. I wouldn't have to come to his side quiet so fast. But really, because he deserves a sibling. No one should have an only child.

Anyways, I am going to make something to eat, and wait to go pick up my husband. One thing that I am glad about is that my baby didn't take a nap all day, so he's out for awhile! YAY!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

We Wait Now

Do you ever hate waiting for a result? It could be anything, from taking a test, to knowing why your engine sounds like a cat is stuck inside, and is screaming for help.

Well, today, I took my entrance exam for the nursing school. I don't know if I did good enough to get in, but they are supposed to call me to let me know whether or not I made it. It's now under an hour until they tell me.

I hate waiting. When you want to know something important, or looking forward to something, it seems like time slows down. And that's the only thing that is running through your mind.

Sleep is elusive. I tried taking a nap, to get my mind off of the results, and I couldn't sleep. I tried reading, but my mind wandered from the story line to the what if questions.

I swear, I'm going to grow old before knowing the results. If I do make it, then my sister-in-law and I are going out for a few drinks to celebrate. And if I don't make it, my sister-in-law and I are going out to drown my misery away. So at least that is a win-win situation. I'll be getting drunk either way.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Social Networks

All I can say is wow. It seems like where one social network pops up, two more pops up in a short time too. I know I have made mention of the most popular social network that there is in  a couple of previous blog postings.

I remember I was wondering when Facebook will be outdone by someone else. I think it's happening. Google revealed their new social networking site, Google Plus. I dare say, it's actually a little bit better.

I am getting off topic. You heard me though, the monster site known as Google is dipping their hands into social networking now. What next? What are they going to think of next?

Anyways, I am giving Google Plus a chance. If it's not as good as Facebook, which it's looking like it will be, then I am going to delete my profile and keep with Facebook.

But is this the beginning of the end for Facebook? Unless Mark Zukerburg can keep up with Google Plus, my vote is that it is.

The site is under a trial version, so that they can gauge where they can make things better and what not. I wonder how it's going to be when it becomes fully operational. I hope that it doesn't have those games on it. They become annoying after awhile. Especially when you haven't gotten on Facebook for a couple of days, and all anyone sends you is invites to their game.

No, I do not care if you "found" a poor helpless animal on your farm/city/diner. If it was a real animal, yes I do. But you are cluttering my Facebook with useless crap. So please stop. And in this, I hope Google is wise about not doing it. That's how Facebook can stay operational. By having their shitty games that it seems like the whole world loves.

I admit, I have a Farmville. But that was when I was in Cali, with nothing to do. Now, I am busy. I have an entrance exam for the nursing school this week, and if I pass it, I will be going to school in the fall. My husband is getting a job with HP this week, and that will make him busy too. We have a child we take care of, plus one puppy and one dog. With that and family that I don't mind seeing living close by, see what I mean?

Anways, I will sit back and watch the fight between these two networks takes place. The winner takes the crown, the looser, well nothing.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

My Little Lady

I know I haven't updated this in awhile. But, here I am now. So sit down, grab a cup of joe, and have fun reading this!

A couple of weeks ago, my husband surprised me. He got me a boxer! I think he felt bad that I had to give up my dog when we moved here. The reason, because she is a special needs dog, and I couldn't care for her anymore. That and I couldn't take her with me to Oklahoma.

Anyways, how it all came about is simple. My mother in law and I took my niece's to their cousin's house for the night. She showed us the boxer puppy she still had left.

The puppy took to me instantly. She climbed in my lap, and stayed there for awhile. Every time someone called out to her, she would go running up, lick them in the face, and come running back to me. It's like she was saying this is my person.

I told my mother in law I wanted her so much. She is beautiful, and goofy. Not to mention the cousin's boxers were good with the three year old sitting there. That told me that the puppy will be good around Donnie.

When we came home, I tried telling Mike that I wanted her. He just nodded, and ignored me. I thought he didn't want me to get it. So I kind of got a little sad. For about two months he has been telling me no about getting another dog. I thought he would say the same thing.

I gave up pushing him about the puppy. When we were at the job fair, I knew it was the best time to ask afterward. He was in a good mood, and I knew he would at least listen to what I said.

He didn't say anything when I described her. He just climbed into our car, and talked about his former bosses before joining the Navy. When we got home, we lit a cigarette and half way through we smoked in silence.

Then my husband turned to me, and he just looked at me for a moment. What he said next made me astonshed. He told me that this dog will be mine, so I can choose what dog I wanted, but I better be really attached to her because he wasn't getting me another dog. I think he was done replacing dogs for me. Anyways, he told me that he will withhold the final decision after he saw her.

A couple of nights later, all of us went to Tammy's house again. With Donnie too. Tammy let the puppy back in the house. (She knew what was going on.) When he saw how attached she was to me, he gave the money to Tammy.

So now I have a boxer puppy! The only stigma is that we have to wait until we move to Tulsa to be able to bring her home. Gary doesn't want another dog here. He's been good about our pit staying in the house, and we don't want to push it.

But Friday we move to the house, and Saturday my mother in law and I are going to pick Lady up. I can't wait! It seems like things are looking up again.

Not just the dog, but Mike starts work in July, and I take the entrance exam for the nursing school on the 19th of July. If I get in, in one year I will be an LPN, and after that, I will go to school again to be an RN.

So for everyone who thinks that they can't make it in the civilian world, you don't know what you are saying. All you have to do is just try, and not be scared. If you let your fear over come you, you can't succeed.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sewing Maniac

He's a maniac, maniac, do do do do!

Lol, I think I spelled that wrong. But anyways, I am a little maniac over quilting right now. My mother in law took me to hobby lobby, where we got a whole bunch of fabric for a quilt I want to make me and my husband. It is going to be a beautiful quilt.

The only question is, why doesn't people just make their own quilts, instead of paying a fortune in buying them? It took less than a hundred dollars to buy the fabric. Which means what I am making is actually costs less than spending sometimes over a thousand dollars for hand made quilts. I think that people need to learn and know the basics of sewing.

Anways, I was getting side tracked a little. But you know what? Who cares? It's not your blog, so there. I got all the little pieces cut out for my quilt, so last night I started sewing on the sewing machine. When my mother was alive, she taught me how to quilt by hand.

So this is a little different. I sewed once on a sewing machine, and it was a quilt I made for an ex of mine. So thinking back on it, I really don't give two shits if it came out shitty or not.

I was nervous starting up the machine. I mean, I had my mother in law guiding me through all the steps, but I couldn't help but feel the sweat start trickling down my back. It actually might have been from the heat. The sewing room gets hardly any air from the air conditioner.

After a couple of tries, I actually started to get the hang of it. I was up until three in the morning, sewing on my quilt. I kind of want to go back to it, but my mother in law is gone to an appointment, and I don't want to mess up royally without her help. Maybe one day I will feel comfortable enough to do it on my own, but not today!

Oh and I'll post a final blog when it's all done and finished with a picture of the finished product for you, the readers, to look at!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Thank You

I wish that I could explain to you what I feel right now. I wish I can tell you how alone I feel right now. But what's the point? I just learned how truly alone people can get. How truly alone I am. Sorry if I am not all perfect. Sorry if I loose my temper. Sorry if I don't win the best wife award. But how dare you talk shit about me? Do you know even what I went through? What our fights have been? No? Then butt out. I won't even apologize to you if you are reading this.

Do I get in your business? Do I sit there and talk shit about you? You tell me things too, but I don't ever pass judgement on you. I guess I learned how truly alone I really am. I guess Mike is right, you all just kissed my ass to get me here, and now that you have what you want, fuck me right? You don't know where I am coming from.

We're married. Guess what married couples do? FIGHT. Specially when there's stressful stuff happening, like say, moving almost across country. We are getting over it, and used to it, why do you got to act like I'm a bitch? Why don't you just open your eyes and look? And is it any of your business anyways? No? Then but the fuck out. You don't like me, fine, but don't get into my personal business and pass judgement.

There were things said between the both of us over the year that was hurtful. But we are working on it. It would be different if we weren't. But again, it's none of your business what was said, and when.

I just want to say thank you for making me feel so alone in a different state. I guess you are just like my family, I just bought your shit hook line and sinker. Fuck you.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Passing Attractions, Step Right Up!

I have noticed that we humans, as a whole, cannot have our attention on one thing for very long. If you think about it, look how many times we change our clothes style. I mean what was "fad" in the 70's isn't really in style anymore. Or Facebook.

Before Facebook, there was Myspace. In a way, Facebook ripped off Myspace. After FB got well known, Myspace kind of went down the shitter. And it didn't start there. I remember a site called Bolt. I don't know if you guys remembered, or was ever on it, but back then, it was the shit.

I don't remember if it had a little profile thingy or not, but what it did have was posting to the home page. It was exactly like how Facebook is. I remember going to the library (That's right, when I was living with Grandma I didn't have internet.) and spending my one hour allotment on the computer on that site.

Then came along Myspace. My sister actually got me into it because she found a girl who we went to highschool at Immanuel's profile. I thought it was pretty insane to post pictures of yourself on the site, and leave behind comments and what not.

So insued the Myspace craze. I learned how to write code for the background I wanted, and I wrote blogs on the site, and it was crazy. And now I don't really get on it.

Why? Because of Facebook. I was stationed in Japan, when one of my friend's in Virginia asked me when I was going to get a Facebook. I was kind of trying to keep it old school with myspace, because I didn't want to conform to yet again, another internet site.

In the end though, I relented. The site is pretty cool. Kind of basic, but whatever. It keeps your attention. And then for fear of their site being shut down, they added flash games to the site to hold their audience's attention. Why? Because of a new site called Twitter. So I won't be at all surprised that Facebook will take that walk of shame that Myspace and Bolt already walked.

My point to all this is, mankind gets bored too easy. If you think about it though, it's what helped us where we are at now. Some guy got tired of hitching his horse up to the wagon every time he wanted to go down the street, and invented the car. Another guy got tired of driving for insane long times to go see Aunt Betty in another state away, and invented the airplane.

See? But when it comes to internet sites, that's where we, as a spieces, get dumber. What has Facebook ever accomplish? And any site like that. Not saying that Facebook is some stupid site that won't help us invent the next greatest invention. Just that it's a "fad" thing now. Most likely our children in the future won't even remember/never been on it before.

Anyways, going off subject now, Vampires really do suck. I mean the stories are all rip offs of each other. I mean Count Dracula, he is the most bad ass vampire out there.

He had a harem, didn't give a shit, but was so gentlemanly. Then what happened to that? Ann Rice and Hollywood. They start protraying the vampires as lost souls who can never die. What's worse, is two things. One, they're VAMPIRES. Come on, do you really think that Dracula cared about what he did, what's he doing, and what's he going to do? Hell no. He didn't let that bother him.

But remember the movies/T.V. Interview with the Vampire, and Forever Knight? Just assuming that you HAVE heard of them, the main characters were going through eternity, redeeming themselves. I mean COME ON! Really? If I was Dracula, I would slap the shit out of them both!

And that brings me to my point two on why Vampires suck. It's a big rip off. I know I said that before, but I'll explain what I mean. Okay, so you have Interview with the vampire. It was a major hit, so you know what Hollywood did then? They made Forever Knight. Actually to correct myself, I think Forever Knight came out before Interview did. Anyways, one of them became an instant hit, so they made another cop of the same thing.

Then after that, here came Blade. Now I can't really knock on Blade, well because like Dracula, he was a badass. The only thing that is remotely similar, is the fact that he had feelings. I guess that's the half human part. Anyways, then they dressed up the vampires to suit the teenage girls and the fourty year old virgins and now we have Twilight.

Same gist, the vampire is trying to redeem himself by being good, whining about when he was bad, and seeking self redemption. Except one thing. They FUCKING sparkle. After that became a big hit, hollywood did it again.

The Vampire Diaries. Same thing. Self redemption and yadda yadda yadda. Except they don't sparkle, and you can kill them. Also, not half as annoying. See what I mean though? The same thing, just dressed up in different clothes, with a different name.

If you don't like that, Hollywood just gives the vampire silver hair, a bow, fake ears. What do you get when you add that up? Orlando Bloom...

Wow if you are still reading this, I commend you. This blog is really long.... Applaud yourself.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Two Weeks Left

We got two weeks left until we have to move out of the apartment. Then after that, we have another couple of days left in California. My husband is flying out to Oklahoma, and I am driving out with my sister in law. There's a part of me that is excited about going. It's just going to me, my sister in law, and the open road. She hasn't been this far west, and she's excited about going too.

Another part of me is depressed that my son and husband is leaving me for three days. This will be the first time that I will be away from my baby for that long. I hope that he won't get too anxious about me going. I know that I am. Maybe I can cover the anxiety for the both of us.

The good thing is, is that my husband will have three days all to him and our son. My husband is hoping that they can become closer during those days. He never really spent a long time alone with our son, and it shows. It took awhile for my son to even be happy about his daddy playing with him. I think because he's always working, and our son isn't used Daddy being around all that much.

Thinking about it though, I can't believe that a year has already came and went. I remember barely moving from San Diego to here, and thinking not this crap hole again. You see, I'm allowed to say it because I come from around here. I never had any intention of coming back again. Except maybe to visit family and that's it.

I am excited about finally starting our lives outside the military. We have been discussing, and making plans about this. Finally, I do not have to worry about my husband when he's at work. It's dangerous work that he does, and I can't help but worry.

Then again, my husband is always calling me a worry wart. That's my specialty I guess. To worry about anything and everything. I can't help it. Too much crap happened in my life to not worry.

I hope that my in laws aren't getting mad or tired of me calling all the time. I have nothing to do, and almost no one to talk too when my husband is gone. So what do I do? I call them. I know my mother in law is thrilled that I call her all the time. She's becoming like a mom to me, I guess.

Mike and I are finally finding each other again. There for a little while everything was kind of rocky. We were fighting more often than not. It was really bad. But now, we are trying to argue, and spend more time with each other. I mean, we are always around each other. It's different though. Being around someone, and spending time with the same person isn't the same.

My aunt told me that the first year of marriage is always the hardest. You never really know how the other person acts behind closed doors, until you start to live with them. And after the first year, things will get better. And they have.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Bitch Has A Temper

I know that women should be a little bit of a bitch to succeed any where in life. But it's one thing to be bitchy and be a bitch. The past couple of days is proof of my theory.

So I have a neighbor friend. Every one in the world comes over, it seems. Lately though, she has been having someone she just met staying with her. I really don't care who comes over at her house. Let's face it, it doesn't effect me.

Until recently that is. This bitch has an attitude. Last weekend I went to chill with my neighbor and another friend. I was just minding my own buisness, having a good time. This bitch tells me to leave while standing behind my back. Like if she was scared of me right? Well, I turned around and slammed her. I told her that it wasn't her apartment, and if my neighbor, let's call her K, wanted me to leave, that's when I'll leave. She got pissed off and stormed off. I didn't think anything of it.

The other day, I went over there to smoke a cig with K. The bitch was there. They were watching Marmaduke. Which I have to say is a pretty cute movie. Anyways, she tried claiming that Great Danes only live for five years. I politely corrected her. Then she just wigged out on me and coped an attitude. I couldn't help myself. I am either the nicest person in the world, or the biggest bitch, depending on the other person's attitude. If you deserve my bitchiness, you will get it.

So persued a short arguement, where I made her look like an idiot. It almost got out of hand. I had to leave K's apartment out of respect for her. But I wanted her to eat my fist. That's how close it came.

Then last night, I saw a bunch of K's friends sitting on the steps outside. I joined them smoking. I guess this bitch decided that no one is going to come into the apartment, and locked everyone out. Then she called K and told her everyone outside is talking shit about her. I'll call one of the guys C. C went to the door and started yelling at her to let him in. His girlfriend's little girl was in there, and his pregnant girlfriend was outside. There was no way he was going to let her keep them outside.

This bitch opened the door, spit at him, and then slammed the door as fast as she could. All I could do was stare in shock. Who the fuck is this woman to tell K's friends if they can come in or not? If I was C, I would have busted the door down, and taught that little girl some respect. Oh just to let you know, K was gone all night.

I think the drama lama has struck...

Monday, May 2, 2011


I decided to look up a well known church that pickets military funerals. Needless to say, I was disgusted. They actually have a schedule when they are going to picket, and where. All I had to say was wow. The lies that come out of these people's mouths are ludicrous. What's more ludicrous is the fact that they use the rights that we military people fought, and died for, to do this. It's hypocritical. I would love for them to go live in the Middle East, or North Korea. Or better yet, China. Let's see how far they would go there. I bet not far. Anyways, here is just one sample of what they had to say. Keep in mind, that they have plans to picket Arlington National Cemetery this month

WBC to picket doomed america's worship of the dead "heros."  We have experience with the military in this country.  They are filthy, vile, self-worshipping beasts.  All bad all the time.  It is a lie that the military of this country is filled with brave, self-sacrificing patriots.  They are incompetent cowards and bullies.  Perverts of every sort.  They fight for the perverts of this nation to murder their babies, to "marry" their fag partners, and to commit whoredoms & abominations of every kind.  The Lord no longer builds the american house: nor does the Lord watch over and protect America.  (Psalm 127:1)  The soldiers are dying for the sins of this nation.  You have made God your enemy and He, Himself is fighting america.

 I have a couple of things to say about this one statement. 1. We are not "filthy, vile, self-worshipping beasts." Do you want to do the job that every military member has done past and present? Are you willing to die for your country? Any one who signs a contract that is payable up to that person's life is the opposite of what you condemn us for.

The same goes for when you claim that we are not brave, or self-sacrificing patriots. People have died for your right to say that, it is your right to say what you say. You know why? Because the military bought that freedom in blood. The freedom that you so love to use against us.

2. They are incompetent cowards and bullies.  Perverts of every sort.  They fight for the perverts of this nation to murder their babies, to "marry" their fag partners, and to commit whoredoms & abominations of every kind. Wow. You know who else they fight for? YOU! To sit there and claim that we use that freedom against you is total BS. Again, go to another country. Protest against them, and see how far it gets you. Probably not a great ending.

3. The Lord no longer builds the american house: nor does the Lord watch over and protect America.  (Psalm 127:1)  The soldiers are dying for the sins of this nation.  You have made God your enemy and He, Himself is fighting america. Okay, if God is not with us, and you sincerely believe that this nation is doomed, then what the hell are you doing here? Aren't you an American? So wouldn't that mean you are doomed? And to throw a Bible verse against us is moronic. Jesus never came down here to preach hate, to rally against your fellow person. No, he taught love, and peace. If anyone is doomed to hell, it is YOU, and not us.

Here is the website if you want to check it out.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Underweight and Me

About three months ago I went to the doctor for a routine check up. I really don't know the true reason why I went. I got some birth control out of the deal, but the main reason is forgotten. Any ways, I made mention of my weight to the doctor. I knew, just by looking at myself, that I was under weight. Oh wait I remember now, I had an ear infection! Any ways, I was concerned about my weight.

Ever since having Donnie, I lost weight like there was no tomorrow. In two weeks I dropped my baby weight. At first, I wasn't concerned about it. Hell, I was excited about it. How many women do you know that can drop that much weight in that little bit of time? Well, I didn't stop loosing weight.

And there about half way through, I got tired of eating. I was forcing myself to eat so much to try and keep my weight, that I got disgusted with eating. And it's not only that, but I also lost my appetite. I still don't know how that happened. It might be from me getting sick of eating so much. I don't know.

My sister clued me in on me being skin and bones. Then one of my friends came over and remarked about how sickly thin I looked. So naturally I brought it up with the doctor. I found out I lost fourteen pounds in six months. I went from 108 to a low 94 with jeans on.

My husband got tired of me asking him all the time if I looked like I was loosing or gaining weight. I got infatuated, and worried, about how thin I looked. He went out and bought me a scale to see how much weight I lost or gained. When I first got on it, I was disappointed. I took of my jeans and shirt, got on the scale, and I was only 95 pounds and some ounces. The next day, I got on the scale with my jeans on, not thinking about it, and it read that I was 97 pounds.

This heartened me a little bit. If I weigh 97 pounds with my jeans on, and 95 without them, then I was at least 92 to 91 pounds when they weighed me. Probably 90 pounds because I had my shoes on too. So it looks like I am on the gaining end of my weight. Which is a good thing!

My secret? I didn't want to try and gorge myself on food like I did before. So I now eat small meals four times a day. I mean small like a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, some fruit in the in between meal if I have any, and my regular intake at dinner. Which before was a couple of bites of every thing on my plate. Now it went up to half a plate of food. Still not good, but making progress.

Also, I am an anemic. Which means my body is lacking in red blood cells and iron. I found out if I ate things with iron in it and took my iron medication, I am not as tired as I used to be. My birth control also has iron in it too, so I am also getting it that way.

Today I took a nap after picking my husband up. This was the first time in several days. But I have been going to bed later at night and waking up early in the morning time. I dreamed that I died. Not oh I'm dead kind of dream, no the actual process of dying. It got me a little worried because I know that there is health risks associated with being under weight.

I looked them up. One is anemia, which I already am. Then there's low blood pressure, osteoporosis, that's bone loss for you, a low immune system, and for women, an irrigular menstrual cycle.

I am just worried that my weight will take another dip, but more dangerous next time. I hate being this skinny. At least you can't see my ribs as much now as before. It's not like I intentionally wanted to loose weight. I also know that people look at me and think that I am anorexic, but that's not true. In a week, I will make another blog and keep track of my weight gain. I am just really worried.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Shutdown= Fogret your paychecks!

I know most of you guys already know what's going on. I hope everyone of you knows. But I'll simplify for you. Today the government decided it's a great day for a shut down. Today 800,000 federal employees will be furloughed and not be paid.

Today, my husband along with every other person in the military  got paid up to today. Meaning half their paychecks and told that they might not get paid next month. Today, the military got royally screwed. While Congress and all of them sit back still getting paid, we will have no money to feed our one year old. Let alone pay our bills.

Now rightfully if a service member doesn't get paid, they can walk away from their obligations hands down. It's a breach in contract. But you know what our great president did? He is making them still come into work. Oh and the three wars we are in? Yeah, we are still going to be in them too.

If it gets really bad, and we don't get paid next month, I am taking my child to Oklahoma, where I know he will be fed. My question is this, what will happen to families that don't have anywhere to turn? What are they going to do? You can guarantee that they will still have to pay their bills. So congratulations Congress, you just made a lot of people homeless, and hungry. Over what? The fact that you guys can't decide on a budget plan?

Oh, but let's not forget everyone else that works for the government that won't get paid either. Way to go. You think that people want to work for free? Especially if the government that has done this doesn't get to hurt along with everyone else?

No, fuck that. They should really think about who they are hurting. You trained the military to kill, you bastards. And now you cut those killer's paychecks and possibly stopped it? Oh you just opened up a can of worms that I think you won't know what to do with!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A New Thought

I got an idea. What if we all could just draw while we type? That would be awesome. I'd be all over that and I would be drawing what I could be seeing through my peripherals.
My husbands dog is twitching like a seizure patient in her sleep. It's so funny to watch. It would be more hilarious if it was my husband doing that in his sleep. I'd be taping him at night, and selling that online. God, wouldn't it be creepy if you'd woke up with someone towering over you with some digital device? I would freak out, and kick that person in the balls, while I was screaming. Initial reaction. Don't fuck with me, I'm a ninja. Fuck yeah.

Now I'm thinking about my old home in the trailer park. Cat, my oldest friend, was right when she said all of us out there were white trash. Who do you know that would walk around outside without their shoes? Even if it was the summer time? Ew? My mom did that. With her holey, ripped up pants, her hair looking all greasy, cigarette in one hand.

God how sad must you have to be to at rock bottom, like that? Wow, I promise that my life will never turn out like that, on the Bible.

Have you ever had a thought that sounded good to you until it is typed out, and it doesn't sound good, or you all the sudden can't remember proper spelling? It's like how I feel right now. Then I can't remember what I was going to say. Oh well. What was I talking about?

Why am I still here in this shitty town, in this shitty place, in this shitty state? I left this place four and a half years ago and I am still here. Something's not adding up. I can't wait until I can go to Oklahoma. I really don't want to think about this state again.

California is so brown and ugly compared to other states. It just screams, so,just because we have Hollywood, doesn't mean shit! It's just a visage of what we REALLY got. Which is trashy people! I want out! 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Bitch Session

So much has happened that I don't know where to begin. I need this blog, this moment, to let it all vent out. Here is my five minute bitch session. Hang on for the ride if you like...

Last week my grandfather landed himself back in the hospital, again. He was staying with me, so I had to take him to the ER as per the doctor's orders. He stayed in the hospital for almost a week with high BNP numbers.

 Now if you don't know what BNP is, it's short for Brain Natriuretic Peptide test. Still don't know what it is? Let me barney still the bitch for you. This is a test to see how much of a certain hormone your body is letting off. Low number, generally 0-200, means your heart is healthy and every thing is fine. As you get older, these numbers tend to get a little higher, because your heart is old. Now really high numbers means that your having heart failure. This could also mean that you have water in your lungs, or around your heart. That could add pressure and make the numbers go up. Either way, it's very bad jew-jew.

I am not bitching about my grandfather being in the hospital. That would be a very bad thing to bitch at, and would make me look cold hearted. Even though I am to certain people, not to my family members that I care about.

My aunt. Those two little words. That bitch wouldn't pick up her phone while we were at the hospital waiting room. Wouldn't pick up her phone when he got admitted in, and talked to a doctor. No, what did she do? She called me early in the morning to complain about grandpa. Yes, you read that right. She called to complain about her father, who was in the hospital. Sounds fucked up right?

Short story of hers, grandpa got mad, and got one of his friends to wake her sorry ass up to tell her that he was in the hospital. Oops if it was like eight in the morning.

Oh but that's not the best part. That's yet to come. So I was the only one who visited grandpa through the weekend. My aunt couldn't make it. When it came to him getting out of the hospital, my aunt called grandpa, told him to have me take him to my house, and she'll pick him up from there. Although she visited him twice while he was in, and the second time didn't need my help on getting there. So why can't that bitch just pick him up from the hospital.

Well, Grandpa was waiting at my house for about forty minutes, until my aunt called me. Supposedly she was suffering a migrane all day, and couldn't move because she would vomit. I remind you that she told grandpa that she was on her way. Hmm, sounds like a cop out. I think she didn't want to come pick him up, so she made up a story. This bitch is so unreliable it's not funny. My sister pointed out that when she needs somebody's help, she demands it, but when the tables are reversed, she couldn't give a shit. If I was grandpa, I would've tossed her leeching ass out my door a long time ago. She's 56, and living off her 76 year old, heart failing, kidney failing, diabetic father. And she has the balls to even complain about him.

Then Saturday, my dog decided to be a gimp. She's part chiuhaha, and part something else. Pretty much, a what the fuck is it dog. We found out that it could be a genetic thing, we still have to take her in. She refuses to walk on her back legs. My husband thinks that she just can't feel them, but I know better. You can pinch her back legs, and she'll move them.

Let me tell you something. My husband has an unnatural affection towards dogs. It's almost unnerving. He treats them better than a human. So you can see where my husband's emotions are with the dog. Yes, this doesn't mean that I don't care about the mutt. It just means that I would think twice about running out in the rain, hopping in my car, and taking her to the vet.

Oh but my husband pratically forced my hand. He sat there and almost yelled at me to call my grandmother, the evil bitch that can never die, to see if she can help out with the medical bill. Yes, my husband, whom has no money to see a vet, will barter his soul with Satan herself.

To keep the peace, I called her. Wait, no, not his soul, my soul. Anyways, getting back on track. She agreed and said that she'll write a blank check and I can fill it out upon getting to the Vet ER.

My husband practically shoved me out the door when he heard that. And you know what I got in return? Stuck in a fucking puddle up to mid-calf, with a stalled out engine. Conveniently I stalled out in front of my grandmother's house. Oh yes, because she "forgot" to tell me that the road was flooded and to come down Whitson. Bitch.

So I got pushed out, and forced to stay the night with her. I went and bought a battery, not because the original was dead, but because it was so old that the contact were corroded. And yes, I was secretly hoping that the magical car fairy would wave her wand and my car would start.

No such luck. The next morning I used my free hook up and towing from my insurance and took it to a mechanic. To one that was within twelve miles. That way it would still be free. Let my insurance pay for the shit.

Well the dickhead, ahem the main mechanic, upon hearing the story, tried telling me that my car's engine is stalled. No, I knew it wasn't. And I had a feeling as to what really happened. So I did what I can do best under stressful times to get my way. I cried fake tears. Three guys hoped on out side, and helped after hearing my ball about wanting to go home and wanting to be with my child.

You know what it was? Water in my engine. Like the little feeling in my gut told me. The guy was just trying to fuck me out of some money. Or get me really scared. Whatever, didn't work. So they got most of the water out, and he charged me cheap for it. Just one man hour because three guys were out there with him. Okay, fine. Nothing else with that? Kewl beans! After he charged my card he noticed that it was a Navy Federal card. He asked me who his navy guy was.

I smiled and told him me. His whole demeanor changed after the next thing I told him. I told him the truth. I was a diesel mechanic in the Navy. The look on that guys face. He knew that I turned the tables on his ass, and screwed him out of money. But then again, if all of them listened to what I was babbling, they would have guessed that I had some experience with motors. I guess they weren't paying attention to what I was saying, just that I cried to them. There's one word for that. SUCKERS!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Homework and Monkey Men!

So, like many of my readers know, I started my college Monday. I was worried because I bombed one of the discussions. (It's online.) I tried making up for it by doing all the Individual Assignments for the week. I'm about half way there. I was so worried that I made mistakes in both my papers, that my poor husband had to hear it every time he walked through the door.

Today I got on line to see if my teacher emailed me back about a question I had last night. Well, it turns out she loved my papers! She gave me an A plus on both of them! I know that with every paper I turn in, I will worry about it though.

Anyways, this month my baby turns a year old. Can't really be calling him a baby any more. Even though for me he will always be my baby. Last weekend my husband and I went to the mall in Visalia. We stopped at the Build A Bear workshop. Donnie picked out his bear, or should I say monkey. I literally had to fight him to get the un-stuffed monkey out of his hands to show my husband so we can get it. Then, once we got to the register, he started crying because we had to take it away for the second time. Can you tell he's attached to it? We named it Papa after his grandpa on my husband's side. The reason? Because we clothed the monkey in country gear. Yup, the shit kickers and the cowboy hat. Anyways, Donnie takes that monkey every where with him. 

I told my husband that my monkey man has a monkey now in a joking kind of way. Man, I didn't realize my child would live up to his name. As I was sitting on the couch, looking at my grades, my child starts laughing hysterically. At first I just smiled because he finally found something to entertain himself without my help. Something started tickling the back of my neck though. Something wasn't right. So I looked to where Donnie was laughing, and sure as shit my child was perched up on the back of the couch, hitting the side of the bookshelf.

I grabbed him faster than Superman could put his tightie whities on. My heart was going a million beats a second. So many possible scenarios that could have happened popped through my mind. I tell you, this child is going to give me one massive heart attack one day.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Happy Birthday!

Monday, the 28th of Feburary is my mother's birthday. Well, not exactly that day. She was born on leap year. There's only two times in the year that gets me sad. This will be one of those days.

I really wish she was alive so I can go celebrate her birthday with her. But life is cruel and no one gets out of it unscathed. Well anyways, all I'm trying to say is HAPPY BIRTHDAY mom! I hope in heaven you get a big cake with a lot of candles!

There's a song by Steve Werner called Holes in The Floor of Heaven. When I had a tennis game in high school I thought of this song, thinking that there were holes up there and she was watching. Or when I got married, she was up there, watching her little girl's wedding. And when I gave birth she was up there, crying for joy because I gave her a beautiful grandson.

How I wish that she were here to see how much her kids have grown up. We have families of our own, we accomplished a lot in our lives. All I want her to see is that her kids have the lives that she couldn't possibly dream of. In the good way of course.

I love you mom. Happy birthday to you!

Here's that song.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valetine's Day

The big day has come. Many men are going to be sweating all day trying to get their loved ones a Valentine's Day gift. Usually I don't celebrate it. I have come to an agreement with my self that all this day is for is for the candy companies, and the card companies to get richer off of us poor folk.

Now that I'm married, however, my husband I agreed that we will celebrate it. We agreed that this time of the year, we will be thankful for what the other one has done all year long.

What has my husband done for me this year? Well, he works and pays the bills. Which I am exceedingly grateful for. Once I got out of the military, I haven't had to lift a finger at another job. Even though most of you will probably agree that a stay at home mom is a full time job without medical benefits and usually without days off. It would be even more difficult if I had to work on top of it.

Not once has my husband got onto me about not having a job or what not. He understands that my life is crazy with just raising our son. I know some people would demand that their wife go back to work. If you think about it, the days where one partner works and the other stays at home with the kids is long gone. Not in this economy can you do that. But my husband is a sweetheart. He doesn't complain about it.

And he knows that the next few years are going to be ever hard for us. He's getting out which means we both will have to look for jobs. You know what he offered though? That when he gets out, he will find a full time job while I go to college until after I get through the nursing program, that way it wouldn't be so hard on me to go to college and work at the same time. How awesome is that? Then, after I get done with all my college and get employed as a nurse, he will do the stay at home thing while going to college.

My only regret is that I can't get him something nice for Valetine's. The only thing I could think of was to let him relax yesterday on his last day off for the weekend. So I packed my child in the car, grabbed my friend, and we went mall cruising for awhile. My husband told me that was the best gift I could give him. Usually I just leave the baby with him and split because I want time away from the kid. Yesterday though, I let him have some time off.

I can't believe how much my life has changed. Last Valentine's Day, I was alone and pregnant. I slept through most of the day that day. Seeing as how it was a Sunday, I didn't want to do anything. Now though, I have a child, and my husband and I are finally living together. It's a beautiful life!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Cloud 9

I feel like I'm on Cloud 9 right now. Why you ask? Let me explain.

So I got out of the military about seven months ago, wanting to go to college. It took that long, and many colleges later, to finally find the college right for me. It was a headache, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't going to be able to go to college for what I wanted. And sometimes I felt like I wasted my life in the military because some of the VA reps and various colleges were yanking me around.

Then, as I was talking to my sister, almost giving up hope, she told me about Everest. She recommended me to call them and just talk to them about what I wanted to do and see if they had something to offer. It took me a couple of minutes to get my courage up to play ring around the rosy with yet another college before making that call.

I'm glad I did though. Not only did they had what I wanted, the staff were real professional and nice. Not one got mad at me because my baby demanded my attention, not one got mad because I had "too many" questions. As soon as I opened my mouth and told them I was a veteran, the guy put me on the phone with the VA reps working there.

And let me tell you, it was a relief off my back. They all knew how to help me with the benefits and applying for college. And that is worth more weight in gold. I had some college tell me that they do accept the benefits, but don't know how to help me with them. I had some VA reps from other colleges either didn't want to be bothered, not show up for the appointments, or told me flat out that I had to pay out of pocket for now until they can get my stuff approved because it was going to take a while.

Like I said, a headache. But not with this college. And I am glad. Also they acted like distant friends that you haven't seen in awhile. I know, weird analogy, but that's what it felt like to me.

All I have to say is, if you are wanting to go back to college, give these guys a call. They will help you or help you find someone that can help  you.

I just hope that my mom is proud of me. I can see the thumbs up and smile on her face. Not just because I am pursuing a degree, but because of everything else. I have a loving family, and a loving set of in-laws.

Also, I realized that through the first year of our marriage, my husband and I learned to grow together. We don't get into as many fights as we did once upon a time. Also, we grew more in love with each other. I love my husband. I doubt he or my child will ever know the true extent of my love for both of them.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday Mornings...

I hate Sunday mornings. Why? I hate them because it's the day before the start of the week day. That's why. Oh but I shouldn't hate the week day starting right? Well, no, I shouldn't. But when you drive your husband to work in the mornings at the butt crack of dawn every morning, then in the afternoon come pick him up, you would too.

Also crazy thought for this morning. Why does my husband get to stay up as long as he wishes and sleep in for as long as he likes? I mean don't get me wrong, I can stay up as long as I wish at night. That's not the problem. The problem lies in who wakes up. Because it won't be my husband. Hell, he'll go so far as to PRETEND to sleep so he doesn't have to get up. When will I be able to sleep in? Oh wait, no there are days when he lets me sleep in. But he doesn't want to deal with the baby, so he ignores him when he cries. So in the end, I have to get up anyways.

Well, today is the Super Bowl. The Steelers vs. the Green Bay Packers. Frankly, I could care less. I don't watch it. Why? Because I can't get sports on my T.V. My husband isn't into it much. Oh well. What can you do?

I wish everyone a happy Sunday. I got to deal with my child and clean the house for the one millionth time.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


So I was going through the blogs of note, and I realized one thing. As I flipped through people's hobbies, like drawing or photography or what not. And I realized, I have no talent. Sure I might pick up stuff like crocheting, but nothing compared to what I see in pictures. It gets me a little sad, because what do I do that makes me stand out from other people? And so help if one of you tells me I'm a good mom...

I could take up a hobby, but it won't feel natural. Maybe cooking? I know I can bake some mean fried chicken. That doesn't feel like a hobby though. If you think about it, it's something you have to do to survive. If you make a shitty meal, no one's going to eat it and there for people are going to opt to starve.

Maybe I'll stop whining about how people are good at things and try my hand at something. Like actually finish on Lil Man's blanket. Or maybe do quilting. That doesn't seem hard at all.

I don't know, so I propose that I do it all to give it a try. Not drawing though. I suck at that. But maybe other things. So as I try something new and actually finish it, I'll post it on here for you guys to criticize it. No, I'm not starting a new blog. I'll just post it on here for everyone else to see and what not.

Friday, January 21, 2011

It Looks Like It Comes Straight Out of A Stephen King Novel!

Have you ever watched Stephen King's The Mist? If not, go rent it, download it, buy it, or whatever. I'll sit here and wait until you get down with watching it before I go on. It's imperative for this blog that you know what I'm going to talk about.

Okay, for those that didn't take my advice and called my bluff, I'll elaborate. In the movie, the fog got so bad that you couldn't see one foot in front of you. And there were things in the mist.

Now picture California. Do you got it, that picture? Let me guess, it's all sunshine and beaches right?

BTW I took this picture about four years ago at Pismo Beach, California.

WRONG! California is not all sun shine and beaches! We have what's called the Valley, and NorCal. Well right now, I live in BFE in the Valley. And in the summer time's it's excruciatingly hot, and in the winter time? Oh we have fog that can rival Mr. King's fog in the Mist.
Oh but Mr. King has monsters in his fog, devouring and killing people. I hear you thinking that. Come on be honest. At least the ones who watched the movie. Guess what? So does California!

They may not be monsters as what you might think of them. You might think of them with big teeth, and big claws, and big eyes... Well, California might not have those particular monsters. 

But what we do have is stupid people in their cars, not paying attention to the fact that you CAN'T see, driving dangerously. So yes, I consider them monsters.

I just have a question for you drivers who do that in the fog. When you are driving in the fog, why do you throw caution to the wind? You aren't supposed to ride up on people's bumper, just in case they have to suddenly stop. You aren't supposed to go speeding through the fog, just in case there's something up ahead that you can't see, oh like a stop sign? Or a stalled car? Or, God forbid, an accident? No, it's like you're tempting fate or some shit.

Anyways I will explain why I am on this particular roll in this particular blog. It isn't something that I am just blogging about, if that were the case, then it would be posted in my other blog. No, this does pertain to me.

Every morning I take my husband to work at butt crack of dawn. In the winter time, there is usually fog around. Today it was bad. Like I said, straight out of a Stephen King novel.

Well, on the ride there, I had a driver ride my ass like Armageddon was following after him, and he wanted to make sure to miss it. I am used to people like that in the fog. I usually just roll my eyes, and slow down a little bit more, to get my message through. It usually doesn't work. Sometimes they like to pass me, which in case I just shake my head. If you can't see in front of you, why would you pass someone?

Anyways, as I passed the old gate leading onto the base, I noticed ANOTHER car doing the same thing as the one behind me was doing up in front. I mean, if the car in front of him touched his brakes, the car behind him would go careening into him, not being able to slow down a fraction, that's how close he was.

I thought I saw it all. I dropped my husband off at work and headed back home. Most of the time, the fog gets worse my leg home. I decided, upon coming up to the old gate entrance to slow down to about 15 mph because oncoming traffic usually blinds me for a second anyways, and in the fog that is very dangerous. Idiots think that they can keep their brights on in the fog, not realizing that all they accomplishing is blinding them and the on coming driver.

Even right now I am thankful that I was driving slow. You see, at the old entrance, there is two stop signs. One for the people coming onto base, and the one wanting to turn left. Yes, it's a T-intersection. The people getting off base has no stop sign.

The guy turning left didn't even slow down a fraction as he pulled out into the intersection. I had a split second to think, wow he's like a foot from hitting me, before reality kicked in and I slammed on the brakes. I swerved to the right, barely avoiding this jackass. You would think that he would at least have hit his brakes a tiny bit. But no, he just kept going like every thing was peachy. And you know what? The guy behind him was turning left also without stopping. I couldn't just back my car up in a second and thank my lucky stars that I missed him too. So I braced for an impact, which luckly, never came. The second driver realized why he heard tires squealing and decided it wasn't safe to continue. 

I'll attribute to the fact that it was very foggy outside, and maybe both the drivers DIDN'T see the stop sign. Okay, I can deal with that. But, the first driver couldn't act like he didn't see me, and just keep going. That's insane. At least the second driver realized that something is wrong when he sees a car in the intersection and slows down.

I drove home shaking all the way back, with tears in my eyes. Yes, I'll admit it. I had tears in my eyes. Why? Because I was very aware of my almost ten month old baby, who was making his I want my bottle cries. That's why. 

I wonder what the first guy would say and feel if he did side swipe me. Say, I was going to fast to slow down enough to avoid him, and he hit me. I wonder how he would feel if he hurt my baby, once he found out that I have a baby in the back seat. I know if that EVER happened, I don't care how hurt I am, I'm going to make the person who hit my hurt so much worse.

Anyways, I just want all of you guys who live somewhere where it gets foggy, to slow down in the fog, and pay attention. Who knows? That person you're riding their ass, might have their family in the car. Or the person that is going slower than you when you drive at break neck speed, again same thing. How would you feel if you were the jackass that hurt or killed some little kid one morning because you were too impatient to drive safely? It's not like you can just blame it on being drunk. I mean yeah you could be, but really. Nothing is too important than being careful when you can't see. 

Thank you if you came to the end with me in this blog. I know it was a little long for me, but I wanted to drive my point across. I hope all of you better days!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

How I love that little boy

Isn't it amazing to watch your baby sleep peacefully? Just a minute ago I was in his room, watching him sleep. I softly touched his hand and he grabbed on to it in his sleep and held on. I can't tell you how much love swept through me.

It's funny because when I think about the first time I heard that I was going to be a mommy, all I could think about was how I just ruined my life. It was back on the ship in the middle of deployment. I got pregant when we made the port call in Austraila.

I remember telling the corpsman, HM1, that I didn't want to be a mommy. I sat there crying saying that I ruined my career. At that point she got mad at me and told me that children were a blessing from God. I remember how bitterly I laughed at her, thinking since when?

That memory replayed through my mind tonight as he held my hand. And you know what? She was right. Children are a gift. You may not want them now, but in the end, a self respecting person wouldn't give their children up without a fight. I know I would never give him up. If I had the chance to go back and undo what I did, I wouldn't.

He is part of the reason why I wake up in the mornings. It breaks my heart to know that one day he will be all grown up and gone, no longer the baby that wants to be rocked to sleep by the sounds of his mother's voice.

The only thing I wish for is my mother to be alive to see her grandson. To see how much they resemble each other. To hear him laugh, to watch him as he figures out how to walk. I know that would've brought a smile to her face.

So, to try an honor my mother's memory, I try and be the best mommy that he needs. Not that I wouldn't anyways, I just want my mother proud on how I'm raising him.

Anyways I'm going to go to sleep now. I just couldnNt hold that in. I love my little family with all my heart. And I know that if I become senile, I will never forget these precious memories of him.

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Monday, January 17, 2011

Karma's a Bitch!

You ever heard of Karma? How if you do something good, something good will come your way? Yeah, that's BS. My friend's child whom I watched for a week got me sick. With what you ask? With bronchitis. Yup. I drug my happy ass this morning to the doctor's because I couldn't breathe without coughing. He ordered an xray, and put me on nebulizer until the XRAY was done. Well, turns out it wasn't a big waste of our time. Now that I know what I have though, I can finally get better.

I knew something was up when every medicine that I got didn't work. Oh, it made me feel better once I was taking it, but that was it. After it wore off, so did my feeling of being better. That's it. If another person asks me to watch their sick child, then I'm going to tell them no. Not doing this again.

Anyways, I'm off of here. Just wanted to say Karma's a bitch. Not going to do anything nice for anyone for awhile. At least until I get better. Well see you when I do get better. Peace out!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Soul to Keep

God I feel like shit today. Why is it, when I do something good in my life, like watch my friend's child, karma bites me in the ass? For two and a half days I have been feeling like shit with a double dose of shit. As you can tell my language in this blog isn't censored like normal. You want to know a secret though? I don't care. If you don't like my blog, then get the hell off of it.

Oh and FYI I'm on my rag, so I think I have every right not to be nice right now. See what I mean a double dose of shit?

So I got my sick ass out of bed long enough to go get some chicken soup from the grocery store. I figured while I was there, that I could get dog food also. These mutts have barely any left, and I don't want to be the one to live with them when they run out of food. Well usually when I get the twenty pound dog food from the store, I have my husband there with me to help. Not that I couldn't lift it on my own, just so someone was there to hold the cart still as the other person put it under the cart.

Seeing as how my husband was not there, I fussed for awhile, cussed up a storm and finally kicked that damn bag on to the bottom of the cart. I felt like I was proud of myself. Until I saw the guy who worked there, perfectly muscled. Apparently he was just watching me the whole entire time.

That's what you get for chivalry these days. Squat. I was so pissed off at him, when he walked by I told him to F off. Then when I get to the check out counter, I told the cashier that I had a twenty pound dog food bag on the bottom. Me being sick, and just humiliated, didn't want to put on another show for someone else.

She couldn't find her little check out gun, and so she called for help. Her being like ten pounds lighter than me, I could understand. If I had a difficult time getting the damn bag on the cart, she would have an even more difficult time trying to put it on the conveyor belt.

Well anyways, this scrawnier woman comes up, one hands the damned bag. She doesn't throw it on the conveyor belt, no that would be too good for her. She walks around the damned thing, checks it out herself, then puts it back underneath the cart. Then calls for a man to help me take my groceries to the car to unload them.

At that point, I was thinking to myself, why couldn't you do it bitch? You clearly showed all of us that we are wusses, why not take it further?

I hate that grocery store now. Not only are the men rude, but the women are show offs. Those people don't even know that not too long ago, I could've strapped five of those dog food bags on my shoulders, and walked up and down ladder wells (stair wells) that were always at a ninety degree angle, in a middle of storm, with the ship rocking and swaying, and you having to walk partially on the walls. I hate that they reminded me that I can't do that anymore. But did I show off? Okay maybe a little bit, but geesh not like that! I wouldn't smash my foot in their face over dog shit and laughed. Yes, thats how it felt like.

Anyways, just have the common courtesy to be humble. Obviously I was sick, I could barely speak, hacking up my lungs and snot dripping out my nose. But oh well, I guess most people don't notice the tiny details of someone else's life.

At least my husband is taking care of the baby as I sit miserably in my room dying a little bit inside as the minutes go ticking by. If I don't feel better by Tuesday, I am going to see a damned doctor. I hate seeing those people, specially military doctors, but it does feel like I'm dying. Hell the other night I dreamed that I was dying. Ugh, give me some tylenol and some whiskey, I should feel better after a couple of shots...

Friday, January 14, 2011

How Time Flies!

I am surprised how fast this week went by. It was a trying, but fun time. Like I said in my previous blog, I agreed to watch my friend's two year old for a week. Don't worry, she paid me. Which was good, got some new books to read and what not.

It was fun because I got out of the house more, which made my husband happy. He worries that I will get burned out with being a stay at home mom. Monday night Stehpanie and I went to the mall and did the whole mall crawling, which I haven't done since San Diego.

It was fun because we tried on a bunch of clothes that we would never buy, too expensive, and they were too formal. Target and Wally World for my clothes! But it made me miss my pre mommy days because those were the clothes that I would buy and wear. Now, I just throw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans and go. Never in a million years would I have done that. I was the type of person that I had to have my hair done nice, my makeup done, my nails done. You know, the girlie girl without admitting it to anyone.

I agreed with the woman who worked in the particular store. Sometimes, you have to do stuff like that. Just have fun, even if you don't buy anything because sometimes you just need it.

I also came to a conclusion. Several actually. The first being, I will NOT have another kid for awhile. Dealing with a two year old and an almost ten month old is very stressing. You're right Mrs. Hyde (if you're reading this) the fact that I love being a mom is because I only have one kid right now.

In toddler's defense though, he wasn't all that bad. Just kept me on my toes more than usual. I started to increasingly looking forward to when his mom got off work. That kid wasn't into everything, but still into stuff. And the Toy Wars. Yes, I capalized those words. If my son was playing with a toy, the toddler had to have that toy and visa versa which in the end would amount up to either one or the other crying because the toy was taken away. At the end I got smart, whatever toy they were fighting over, I hid for awhile.

The second conclusion is that my son, when he's that age, will be potty trained. That child's excrements smelled like a gas bomb that just went off. My own son crawled away after smelling it crying. I wanted to cry too.

But, the toddler was well behaved. When he wasn't demanding, he would say please and thank you. I know I was staring at my future, but I was relieved to know he wasn't the devil incarnate.

It was weird because not too long ago he left. I am done watching him, and yet, I began to miss him as soon as his mom got here. My son will no longer have a play mate to play with. And I won't have my friend here to go do things with. I rather enjoyed them being here. I think my husband did too.

Hopefully they move to Oklahoma. I wouldn't mind having them be my neighbors. One thing I am glad about, I can have my house organized like it was. That and my dining room wouldn't have a play pen in it. That's where her son slept. And no more Toy Wars. Well anyways, peace people, my son has surprise for me in his diaper and it's not a toaster!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

What a Wonderful World

Again, the title means nothing about this post. Just that I couldn't think of any title and I just couldn't leave it blank.

I have been reading Dean Koontz novel, Whispers, I and I finally found a book that he doesn't have a furry, four legged friend whom we all termed "dog" in it. Which is such a relief.

I also have been reading Grumpy Old Ken's blog posts, and I have to say, I am kind of jealous. I doubt that I can ever write a blog like one of his posts. He has so much talent. What do I have? Just my inside thoughts about my life and such.

That's okay, as I was reading his current post, he mentioned that he didn't know when he first started writing that Google can track his own page visits. When I started this particular blog, I didn't know how to turn it off. I knew that it was tracking it, had no idea how to make it stop.

This week I agreed to watch my friend's kid for her. He is a couple years older than my baby. I am excited because my baby will have a playmate. I am a little apprehensive because I will be watching two babies. That's alright though, I know if the shoe was on the other foot, she would do the same thing.

This woman is the same woman that I mentioned about. The one that I have known for three years and keep running into around the world. I would go into combat relieved if she was by my side. A friendship like that is one in a million type of friendship.

I often wonder if I can make it in the medical field. If I am only going into the medical field because a vast majority of my family is in it, and it is one thing that I know I can do. It's funny because my mother home schooled all of her kids when we were younger, and I know she was grooming us to go in the medical field.

I remember her words as clear as day still. I even remember how her voice sounded. "You want to go into the nursing program because that will be a guaranteed job. Here in a handful of years the baby boomers will retire and there will be a need for nurses. There already is a need for them. " My mother was a very smart woman.

I thought long and hard about my life and where I wanted to be and do before I joined Uncle Sam's force, IE the military. I didn't want to be a nurse, I rebelled against my mother's teachings. For three and a half years I balked at it and was a diesel mechanic instead.

And now I guess my mother is laughing in heaven now, because I finally stopped yanking at the chains and settled down in the job she groomed us for. Do you think it a selfish thing to do that to your kids? I certainly do, but I also think that my mother was very smart in her decisions. At least some of her decisions. It would have to be another blog post if you wanted to know every thing about her, and I doubt I have that time, or heart to spill my past secrets right now.

Besides, who would we be if we didn't hold something back from the world? Some little crumb of knowledge and truth about us that no one knows? Maybe one day, on a rainy day, I might post somethings about my childhood, and my mother here, but do not expect all of it. And do not expect it to be all sunny and rosy, because it wasn't.

Anyways, I got to get the house ready for company. So I wish all of you peace and better days.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


So today has been an interesting day. Or least in the morning. Found out that Mike's chief really can be a dick. Sorry he was being one. Mike texted me this morning and told me that he had to be at medical by eight this morning. Which was cool, I know why. He needed his hearing test done.

I pick him up, take him over there after having breakfast at McDonalds on base. Waited there for maybe an hour or so. You know how hospitals could be so slow. My son was with me. His chief knew that we were there because he saw us there.

Did that stop him? No. He told Mike that he wanted him back in the shop so he can talk to him. Okay. No problem. Both my husband and I were thinking it wasn't going to be long.

Wrong! I waited out in the cold, in my car, wasting gas to keep my baby warm, for almost an hour and a half. Was his chief talking to him at all? NO! He decided to go to the other hangar, put his thumbs in his butt, and act like he didn't see my husband. After that, he decided he was going  to a meeting.

When I heard that, I got furious. Why not talk to my husband BEFORE doing anything else if it's so important? Why make his wife and NINE MONTH old baby wait out there for that long? The least he could've done was tell my husband to tell me to go home.

So I told my husband to go talk to the Gunnery Sergeant about how long it was going to take. And to kindly remind him that his wife and baby were out waiting for him. At this point, I couldn't take it. I marched my happy ass into his shop, asked where the office was at. Then that's when I heard gunny yelling at mike at the top of his lungs.

I decided to further be a nuicance and just sit there, with my child, waiting. Because I was going to tell gunny off for being a major pain. Well, gunny had the same thought, to talk to me. So they leave out another way, get all scared that I was in there raising holy hell and using Donnie as nun -chucks.

I wasn't, I was just sitting there. Gunny takes me, my child, and my husband back into the office. That's when a wordless conversation took place. It went something like this.

Me: Oh so you want to yell at me?
Gunny: I need to talk to you.
Me: If you yell at me, who is a civilian, did nothing wrong and in front of my baby, you'll be wearing my size six shoe. And not on your foot.

At that point, Gunny out loud told me that I could leave any time I wanted, that he just wanted to talk to me. So I sat down with my son, and heard him out. He told me that I was well within my rights to be mad at them. But I have to consider my husbands professional life. He then asked me why I waited for so long because his wife would've just left and made him walk home. I kindly sat there and told him that I wasn't going to do it with my husband, that that's your problem.

I told him also that yeah, I was here for four and a half hours, and I thought I was only going to be here for a couple. I only had one bottle, albeit a big one, that he already ate, three more diapers, and I'm not prepared to sit all day waiting for chief to come back to further yell at my husband.

At that point he told us we can go home, but don't be surprised if chief calls him back. Yeah, my left tooshie, because he never did.

My point? What the hell were these people thinking? You know that both of them have family, and they wouldn't have put up with this at all, but when the shoe's on the other foot, they don't care. I can't wait until my husband is out.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Hospital and Sick Call

So today I found out that I have two ear infections. How do you get infections in both ears at the same time? That astonished me, even the doctor! I just went in for my left ear, knowing that the likelihood of having an ear infection in that ear was good. And I left knowing that both ears are messed up.

I also learned today that I am 95 pounds. Down from 108. I told my doctor that I was concerned with my weight. Turns out, she was too. So tomorrow I get to go back to the hospital and get blood work done. It could be one of three things. She told me that it could be my thyroid, it could be diabetes, or it could be my anemia acting up again. I am hoping that I don't have diabetes. That would suck, I think I would cry if I had that. But it's a disease that I could live with if it turns out that that's the case.

I am just glad that I went to the hospital today. Finally I could find out WHY I weigh so little. It's not like I'm starving myself because I want to be thin. I already was thin. Even when I was pregnant. Oh well, I won't worry about it until the lab results come back in.

All I can say, is that I'm glad that my husband agreed to stay up while I was at the hospital. That way I could go for my ear infections. He got a surprise when I came back with the NUVA ring. So no more babies for me! Alright! I would have to hurt my husband if it turned out that I was pregnant AGAIN. Vasectomy anyone?

Well, gotta go. I have to run to the store to pick up stuff for tonights dinner. Which is going to be beef and cabbage stew. Have you ever had that? I haven't, but decided I'll give it a try. Better days people!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Bacon and Eggs

Note: The title doesn't describe this post. Just that my husband is going to, maybe, cook some breakfast. That is, if he can get off of Call of Duty.

So it is 2011. Great. Another year has past. Another year, and I'm that much older. Yay for me! I know that you're sitting there thinking, but you're only 23. Yeah, and your point is?

I feel that people can feel older than what they actually are. Their life experiences and such are so much that an old person is now looking out the young eyes. That's how my life feels sometimes.

I have traveled the world, have seen a lot of things, done a lot of things, and now raising a baby. Which can drain your energy faster than exercising I feel.

Some parts of the world I miss. Beautiful Japan, how I miss you. And the FUCK YA bar! That's a good name. I have spent a lot of time in that bar. I also miss the trains. It's weird, I know. Who in their right mind would like to ride a train? Well if that's what you are thinking, then you never been to Japan. It's not like the train systems here. Their nice and quiet, which means you have time to actually here yourself think. Although, never, ever, in any circumstance ride that damn train during rush hour. Not if you don't want to be ass to ass with a total stranger.

Also there are some great shopping to be done in Japan. I went on a shopping spree once and spent over three hundred dollars on clothes alone. I was happy. It was cold, but I was happy.

Some parts of the world I can forget. Like Chili. Where I was at, that was gross. The beaches were great though. And South Korea. Talk about being on edge, what with that crazy ass dictator, Kim Jong, sitting not but a country away. I say we need to do something about him. Ah but don't worry, we will.

So this Friday my husband and I will be able to get out of the house  for a little while. His command is throwing a late christmas party and we're going. It wasn't supposed to have happened like that. He just bought a ticket to get out of working next weekend. Then someone else gave him his ticket because he didn't want to go, but didn't want to work either. So now we're going. I can't wait. I know that I am going to be the DD, but I have some whiskey for later.

I have to say thank you to our baby sitter Friday. Me and her have practically followed each other around the world. From Florida to Lemoore. Every place I go, she's there. And I think I actually talked her husband and her to move to Oklahoma. I figure it's destiny. If we have been at the same place over and over again for three years, wouldn't it be sweet if we ended up living close to each other too?

Well, Donnie has learned to say momma. Don't get me wrong, he knew that word and every once in awhile he would say it. But now he says it all the time. Like if he gets mad, or if he wants to be picked up. Which is so sweet because he comes over to me, grabs my leg, looks up, and says momma over and over again.

He's getting to be so big now. I remember when I brought him home from the hospital. I know, he's only nine months, and still a baby, but it seems amazing how fast time goes. It feels like yesterday that I was on deployment, hating it, and wishing that I was off of that damn steel prison. Now I am and it seems that I can't stop thinking about that ship and the people I knew on there.

Well, I think that I have gone on too long. Better days!