Thursday, January 27, 2011


So I was going through the blogs of note, and I realized one thing. As I flipped through people's hobbies, like drawing or photography or what not. And I realized, I have no talent. Sure I might pick up stuff like crocheting, but nothing compared to what I see in pictures. It gets me a little sad, because what do I do that makes me stand out from other people? And so help if one of you tells me I'm a good mom...

I could take up a hobby, but it won't feel natural. Maybe cooking? I know I can bake some mean fried chicken. That doesn't feel like a hobby though. If you think about it, it's something you have to do to survive. If you make a shitty meal, no one's going to eat it and there for people are going to opt to starve.

Maybe I'll stop whining about how people are good at things and try my hand at something. Like actually finish on Lil Man's blanket. Or maybe do quilting. That doesn't seem hard at all.

I don't know, so I propose that I do it all to give it a try. Not drawing though. I suck at that. But maybe other things. So as I try something new and actually finish it, I'll post it on here for you guys to criticize it. No, I'm not starting a new blog. I'll just post it on here for everyone else to see and what not.

Friday, January 21, 2011

It Looks Like It Comes Straight Out of A Stephen King Novel!

Have you ever watched Stephen King's The Mist? If not, go rent it, download it, buy it, or whatever. I'll sit here and wait until you get down with watching it before I go on. It's imperative for this blog that you know what I'm going to talk about.

Okay, for those that didn't take my advice and called my bluff, I'll elaborate. In the movie, the fog got so bad that you couldn't see one foot in front of you. And there were things in the mist.

Now picture California. Do you got it, that picture? Let me guess, it's all sunshine and beaches right?

BTW I took this picture about four years ago at Pismo Beach, California.

WRONG! California is not all sun shine and beaches! We have what's called the Valley, and NorCal. Well right now, I live in BFE in the Valley. And in the summer time's it's excruciatingly hot, and in the winter time? Oh we have fog that can rival Mr. King's fog in the Mist.
Oh but Mr. King has monsters in his fog, devouring and killing people. I hear you thinking that. Come on be honest. At least the ones who watched the movie. Guess what? So does California!

They may not be monsters as what you might think of them. You might think of them with big teeth, and big claws, and big eyes... Well, California might not have those particular monsters. 

But what we do have is stupid people in their cars, not paying attention to the fact that you CAN'T see, driving dangerously. So yes, I consider them monsters.

I just have a question for you drivers who do that in the fog. When you are driving in the fog, why do you throw caution to the wind? You aren't supposed to ride up on people's bumper, just in case they have to suddenly stop. You aren't supposed to go speeding through the fog, just in case there's something up ahead that you can't see, oh like a stop sign? Or a stalled car? Or, God forbid, an accident? No, it's like you're tempting fate or some shit.

Anyways I will explain why I am on this particular roll in this particular blog. It isn't something that I am just blogging about, if that were the case, then it would be posted in my other blog. No, this does pertain to me.

Every morning I take my husband to work at butt crack of dawn. In the winter time, there is usually fog around. Today it was bad. Like I said, straight out of a Stephen King novel.

Well, on the ride there, I had a driver ride my ass like Armageddon was following after him, and he wanted to make sure to miss it. I am used to people like that in the fog. I usually just roll my eyes, and slow down a little bit more, to get my message through. It usually doesn't work. Sometimes they like to pass me, which in case I just shake my head. If you can't see in front of you, why would you pass someone?

Anyways, as I passed the old gate leading onto the base, I noticed ANOTHER car doing the same thing as the one behind me was doing up in front. I mean, if the car in front of him touched his brakes, the car behind him would go careening into him, not being able to slow down a fraction, that's how close he was.

I thought I saw it all. I dropped my husband off at work and headed back home. Most of the time, the fog gets worse my leg home. I decided, upon coming up to the old gate entrance to slow down to about 15 mph because oncoming traffic usually blinds me for a second anyways, and in the fog that is very dangerous. Idiots think that they can keep their brights on in the fog, not realizing that all they accomplishing is blinding them and the on coming driver.

Even right now I am thankful that I was driving slow. You see, at the old entrance, there is two stop signs. One for the people coming onto base, and the one wanting to turn left. Yes, it's a T-intersection. The people getting off base has no stop sign.

The guy turning left didn't even slow down a fraction as he pulled out into the intersection. I had a split second to think, wow he's like a foot from hitting me, before reality kicked in and I slammed on the brakes. I swerved to the right, barely avoiding this jackass. You would think that he would at least have hit his brakes a tiny bit. But no, he just kept going like every thing was peachy. And you know what? The guy behind him was turning left also without stopping. I couldn't just back my car up in a second and thank my lucky stars that I missed him too. So I braced for an impact, which luckly, never came. The second driver realized why he heard tires squealing and decided it wasn't safe to continue. 

I'll attribute to the fact that it was very foggy outside, and maybe both the drivers DIDN'T see the stop sign. Okay, I can deal with that. But, the first driver couldn't act like he didn't see me, and just keep going. That's insane. At least the second driver realized that something is wrong when he sees a car in the intersection and slows down.

I drove home shaking all the way back, with tears in my eyes. Yes, I'll admit it. I had tears in my eyes. Why? Because I was very aware of my almost ten month old baby, who was making his I want my bottle cries. That's why. 

I wonder what the first guy would say and feel if he did side swipe me. Say, I was going to fast to slow down enough to avoid him, and he hit me. I wonder how he would feel if he hurt my baby, once he found out that I have a baby in the back seat. I know if that EVER happened, I don't care how hurt I am, I'm going to make the person who hit my hurt so much worse.

Anyways, I just want all of you guys who live somewhere where it gets foggy, to slow down in the fog, and pay attention. Who knows? That person you're riding their ass, might have their family in the car. Or the person that is going slower than you when you drive at break neck speed, again same thing. How would you feel if you were the jackass that hurt or killed some little kid one morning because you were too impatient to drive safely? It's not like you can just blame it on being drunk. I mean yeah you could be, but really. Nothing is too important than being careful when you can't see. 

Thank you if you came to the end with me in this blog. I know it was a little long for me, but I wanted to drive my point across. I hope all of you better days!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

How I love that little boy

Isn't it amazing to watch your baby sleep peacefully? Just a minute ago I was in his room, watching him sleep. I softly touched his hand and he grabbed on to it in his sleep and held on. I can't tell you how much love swept through me.

It's funny because when I think about the first time I heard that I was going to be a mommy, all I could think about was how I just ruined my life. It was back on the ship in the middle of deployment. I got pregant when we made the port call in Austraila.

I remember telling the corpsman, HM1, that I didn't want to be a mommy. I sat there crying saying that I ruined my career. At that point she got mad at me and told me that children were a blessing from God. I remember how bitterly I laughed at her, thinking since when?

That memory replayed through my mind tonight as he held my hand. And you know what? She was right. Children are a gift. You may not want them now, but in the end, a self respecting person wouldn't give their children up without a fight. I know I would never give him up. If I had the chance to go back and undo what I did, I wouldn't.

He is part of the reason why I wake up in the mornings. It breaks my heart to know that one day he will be all grown up and gone, no longer the baby that wants to be rocked to sleep by the sounds of his mother's voice.

The only thing I wish for is my mother to be alive to see her grandson. To see how much they resemble each other. To hear him laugh, to watch him as he figures out how to walk. I know that would've brought a smile to her face.

So, to try an honor my mother's memory, I try and be the best mommy that he needs. Not that I wouldn't anyways, I just want my mother proud on how I'm raising him.

Anyways I'm going to go to sleep now. I just couldnNt hold that in. I love my little family with all my heart. And I know that if I become senile, I will never forget these precious memories of him.

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Monday, January 17, 2011

Karma's a Bitch!

You ever heard of Karma? How if you do something good, something good will come your way? Yeah, that's BS. My friend's child whom I watched for a week got me sick. With what you ask? With bronchitis. Yup. I drug my happy ass this morning to the doctor's because I couldn't breathe without coughing. He ordered an xray, and put me on nebulizer until the XRAY was done. Well, turns out it wasn't a big waste of our time. Now that I know what I have though, I can finally get better.

I knew something was up when every medicine that I got didn't work. Oh, it made me feel better once I was taking it, but that was it. After it wore off, so did my feeling of being better. That's it. If another person asks me to watch their sick child, then I'm going to tell them no. Not doing this again.

Anyways, I'm off of here. Just wanted to say Karma's a bitch. Not going to do anything nice for anyone for awhile. At least until I get better. Well see you when I do get better. Peace out!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

My Soul to Keep

God I feel like shit today. Why is it, when I do something good in my life, like watch my friend's child, karma bites me in the ass? For two and a half days I have been feeling like shit with a double dose of shit. As you can tell my language in this blog isn't censored like normal. You want to know a secret though? I don't care. If you don't like my blog, then get the hell off of it.

Oh and FYI I'm on my rag, so I think I have every right not to be nice right now. See what I mean a double dose of shit?

So I got my sick ass out of bed long enough to go get some chicken soup from the grocery store. I figured while I was there, that I could get dog food also. These mutts have barely any left, and I don't want to be the one to live with them when they run out of food. Well usually when I get the twenty pound dog food from the store, I have my husband there with me to help. Not that I couldn't lift it on my own, just so someone was there to hold the cart still as the other person put it under the cart.

Seeing as how my husband was not there, I fussed for awhile, cussed up a storm and finally kicked that damn bag on to the bottom of the cart. I felt like I was proud of myself. Until I saw the guy who worked there, perfectly muscled. Apparently he was just watching me the whole entire time.

That's what you get for chivalry these days. Squat. I was so pissed off at him, when he walked by I told him to F off. Then when I get to the check out counter, I told the cashier that I had a twenty pound dog food bag on the bottom. Me being sick, and just humiliated, didn't want to put on another show for someone else.

She couldn't find her little check out gun, and so she called for help. Her being like ten pounds lighter than me, I could understand. If I had a difficult time getting the damn bag on the cart, she would have an even more difficult time trying to put it on the conveyor belt.

Well anyways, this scrawnier woman comes up, one hands the damned bag. She doesn't throw it on the conveyor belt, no that would be too good for her. She walks around the damned thing, checks it out herself, then puts it back underneath the cart. Then calls for a man to help me take my groceries to the car to unload them.

At that point, I was thinking to myself, why couldn't you do it bitch? You clearly showed all of us that we are wusses, why not take it further?

I hate that grocery store now. Not only are the men rude, but the women are show offs. Those people don't even know that not too long ago, I could've strapped five of those dog food bags on my shoulders, and walked up and down ladder wells (stair wells) that were always at a ninety degree angle, in a middle of storm, with the ship rocking and swaying, and you having to walk partially on the walls. I hate that they reminded me that I can't do that anymore. But did I show off? Okay maybe a little bit, but geesh not like that! I wouldn't smash my foot in their face over dog shit and laughed. Yes, thats how it felt like.

Anyways, just have the common courtesy to be humble. Obviously I was sick, I could barely speak, hacking up my lungs and snot dripping out my nose. But oh well, I guess most people don't notice the tiny details of someone else's life.

At least my husband is taking care of the baby as I sit miserably in my room dying a little bit inside as the minutes go ticking by. If I don't feel better by Tuesday, I am going to see a damned doctor. I hate seeing those people, specially military doctors, but it does feel like I'm dying. Hell the other night I dreamed that I was dying. Ugh, give me some tylenol and some whiskey, I should feel better after a couple of shots...

Friday, January 14, 2011

How Time Flies!

I am surprised how fast this week went by. It was a trying, but fun time. Like I said in my previous blog, I agreed to watch my friend's two year old for a week. Don't worry, she paid me. Which was good, got some new books to read and what not.

It was fun because I got out of the house more, which made my husband happy. He worries that I will get burned out with being a stay at home mom. Monday night Stehpanie and I went to the mall and did the whole mall crawling, which I haven't done since San Diego.

It was fun because we tried on a bunch of clothes that we would never buy, too expensive, and they were too formal. Target and Wally World for my clothes! But it made me miss my pre mommy days because those were the clothes that I would buy and wear. Now, I just throw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans and go. Never in a million years would I have done that. I was the type of person that I had to have my hair done nice, my makeup done, my nails done. You know, the girlie girl without admitting it to anyone.

I agreed with the woman who worked in the particular store. Sometimes, you have to do stuff like that. Just have fun, even if you don't buy anything because sometimes you just need it.

I also came to a conclusion. Several actually. The first being, I will NOT have another kid for awhile. Dealing with a two year old and an almost ten month old is very stressing. You're right Mrs. Hyde (if you're reading this) the fact that I love being a mom is because I only have one kid right now.

In toddler's defense though, he wasn't all that bad. Just kept me on my toes more than usual. I started to increasingly looking forward to when his mom got off work. That kid wasn't into everything, but still into stuff. And the Toy Wars. Yes, I capalized those words. If my son was playing with a toy, the toddler had to have that toy and visa versa which in the end would amount up to either one or the other crying because the toy was taken away. At the end I got smart, whatever toy they were fighting over, I hid for awhile.

The second conclusion is that my son, when he's that age, will be potty trained. That child's excrements smelled like a gas bomb that just went off. My own son crawled away after smelling it crying. I wanted to cry too.

But, the toddler was well behaved. When he wasn't demanding, he would say please and thank you. I know I was staring at my future, but I was relieved to know he wasn't the devil incarnate.

It was weird because not too long ago he left. I am done watching him, and yet, I began to miss him as soon as his mom got here. My son will no longer have a play mate to play with. And I won't have my friend here to go do things with. I rather enjoyed them being here. I think my husband did too.

Hopefully they move to Oklahoma. I wouldn't mind having them be my neighbors. One thing I am glad about, I can have my house organized like it was. That and my dining room wouldn't have a play pen in it. That's where her son slept. And no more Toy Wars. Well anyways, peace people, my son has surprise for me in his diaper and it's not a toaster!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

What a Wonderful World

Again, the title means nothing about this post. Just that I couldn't think of any title and I just couldn't leave it blank.

I have been reading Dean Koontz novel, Whispers, I and I finally found a book that he doesn't have a furry, four legged friend whom we all termed "dog" in it. Which is such a relief.

I also have been reading Grumpy Old Ken's blog posts, and I have to say, I am kind of jealous. I doubt that I can ever write a blog like one of his posts. He has so much talent. What do I have? Just my inside thoughts about my life and such.

That's okay, as I was reading his current post, he mentioned that he didn't know when he first started writing that Google can track his own page visits. When I started this particular blog, I didn't know how to turn it off. I knew that it was tracking it, had no idea how to make it stop.

This week I agreed to watch my friend's kid for her. He is a couple years older than my baby. I am excited because my baby will have a playmate. I am a little apprehensive because I will be watching two babies. That's alright though, I know if the shoe was on the other foot, she would do the same thing.

This woman is the same woman that I mentioned about. The one that I have known for three years and keep running into around the world. I would go into combat relieved if she was by my side. A friendship like that is one in a million type of friendship.

I often wonder if I can make it in the medical field. If I am only going into the medical field because a vast majority of my family is in it, and it is one thing that I know I can do. It's funny because my mother home schooled all of her kids when we were younger, and I know she was grooming us to go in the medical field.

I remember her words as clear as day still. I even remember how her voice sounded. "You want to go into the nursing program because that will be a guaranteed job. Here in a handful of years the baby boomers will retire and there will be a need for nurses. There already is a need for them. " My mother was a very smart woman.

I thought long and hard about my life and where I wanted to be and do before I joined Uncle Sam's force, IE the military. I didn't want to be a nurse, I rebelled against my mother's teachings. For three and a half years I balked at it and was a diesel mechanic instead.

And now I guess my mother is laughing in heaven now, because I finally stopped yanking at the chains and settled down in the job she groomed us for. Do you think it a selfish thing to do that to your kids? I certainly do, but I also think that my mother was very smart in her decisions. At least some of her decisions. It would have to be another blog post if you wanted to know every thing about her, and I doubt I have that time, or heart to spill my past secrets right now.

Besides, who would we be if we didn't hold something back from the world? Some little crumb of knowledge and truth about us that no one knows? Maybe one day, on a rainy day, I might post somethings about my childhood, and my mother here, but do not expect all of it. And do not expect it to be all sunny and rosy, because it wasn't.

Anyways, I got to get the house ready for company. So I wish all of you peace and better days.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


So today has been an interesting day. Or least in the morning. Found out that Mike's chief really can be a dick. Sorry he was being one. Mike texted me this morning and told me that he had to be at medical by eight this morning. Which was cool, I know why. He needed his hearing test done.

I pick him up, take him over there after having breakfast at McDonalds on base. Waited there for maybe an hour or so. You know how hospitals could be so slow. My son was with me. His chief knew that we were there because he saw us there.

Did that stop him? No. He told Mike that he wanted him back in the shop so he can talk to him. Okay. No problem. Both my husband and I were thinking it wasn't going to be long.

Wrong! I waited out in the cold, in my car, wasting gas to keep my baby warm, for almost an hour and a half. Was his chief talking to him at all? NO! He decided to go to the other hangar, put his thumbs in his butt, and act like he didn't see my husband. After that, he decided he was going  to a meeting.

When I heard that, I got furious. Why not talk to my husband BEFORE doing anything else if it's so important? Why make his wife and NINE MONTH old baby wait out there for that long? The least he could've done was tell my husband to tell me to go home.

So I told my husband to go talk to the Gunnery Sergeant about how long it was going to take. And to kindly remind him that his wife and baby were out waiting for him. At this point, I couldn't take it. I marched my happy ass into his shop, asked where the office was at. Then that's when I heard gunny yelling at mike at the top of his lungs.

I decided to further be a nuicance and just sit there, with my child, waiting. Because I was going to tell gunny off for being a major pain. Well, gunny had the same thought, to talk to me. So they leave out another way, get all scared that I was in there raising holy hell and using Donnie as nun -chucks.

I wasn't, I was just sitting there. Gunny takes me, my child, and my husband back into the office. That's when a wordless conversation took place. It went something like this.

Me: Oh so you want to yell at me?
Gunny: I need to talk to you.
Me: If you yell at me, who is a civilian, did nothing wrong and in front of my baby, you'll be wearing my size six shoe. And not on your foot.

At that point, Gunny out loud told me that I could leave any time I wanted, that he just wanted to talk to me. So I sat down with my son, and heard him out. He told me that I was well within my rights to be mad at them. But I have to consider my husbands professional life. He then asked me why I waited for so long because his wife would've just left and made him walk home. I kindly sat there and told him that I wasn't going to do it with my husband, that that's your problem.

I told him also that yeah, I was here for four and a half hours, and I thought I was only going to be here for a couple. I only had one bottle, albeit a big one, that he already ate, three more diapers, and I'm not prepared to sit all day waiting for chief to come back to further yell at my husband.

At that point he told us we can go home, but don't be surprised if chief calls him back. Yeah, my left tooshie, because he never did.

My point? What the hell were these people thinking? You know that both of them have family, and they wouldn't have put up with this at all, but when the shoe's on the other foot, they don't care. I can't wait until my husband is out.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Hospital and Sick Call

So today I found out that I have two ear infections. How do you get infections in both ears at the same time? That astonished me, even the doctor! I just went in for my left ear, knowing that the likelihood of having an ear infection in that ear was good. And I left knowing that both ears are messed up.

I also learned today that I am 95 pounds. Down from 108. I told my doctor that I was concerned with my weight. Turns out, she was too. So tomorrow I get to go back to the hospital and get blood work done. It could be one of three things. She told me that it could be my thyroid, it could be diabetes, or it could be my anemia acting up again. I am hoping that I don't have diabetes. That would suck, I think I would cry if I had that. But it's a disease that I could live with if it turns out that that's the case.

I am just glad that I went to the hospital today. Finally I could find out WHY I weigh so little. It's not like I'm starving myself because I want to be thin. I already was thin. Even when I was pregnant. Oh well, I won't worry about it until the lab results come back in.

All I can say, is that I'm glad that my husband agreed to stay up while I was at the hospital. That way I could go for my ear infections. He got a surprise when I came back with the NUVA ring. So no more babies for me! Alright! I would have to hurt my husband if it turned out that I was pregnant AGAIN. Vasectomy anyone?

Well, gotta go. I have to run to the store to pick up stuff for tonights dinner. Which is going to be beef and cabbage stew. Have you ever had that? I haven't, but decided I'll give it a try. Better days people!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Bacon and Eggs

Note: The title doesn't describe this post. Just that my husband is going to, maybe, cook some breakfast. That is, if he can get off of Call of Duty.

So it is 2011. Great. Another year has past. Another year, and I'm that much older. Yay for me! I know that you're sitting there thinking, but you're only 23. Yeah, and your point is?

I feel that people can feel older than what they actually are. Their life experiences and such are so much that an old person is now looking out the young eyes. That's how my life feels sometimes.

I have traveled the world, have seen a lot of things, done a lot of things, and now raising a baby. Which can drain your energy faster than exercising I feel.

Some parts of the world I miss. Beautiful Japan, how I miss you. And the FUCK YA bar! That's a good name. I have spent a lot of time in that bar. I also miss the trains. It's weird, I know. Who in their right mind would like to ride a train? Well if that's what you are thinking, then you never been to Japan. It's not like the train systems here. Their nice and quiet, which means you have time to actually here yourself think. Although, never, ever, in any circumstance ride that damn train during rush hour. Not if you don't want to be ass to ass with a total stranger.

Also there are some great shopping to be done in Japan. I went on a shopping spree once and spent over three hundred dollars on clothes alone. I was happy. It was cold, but I was happy.

Some parts of the world I can forget. Like Chili. Where I was at, that was gross. The beaches were great though. And South Korea. Talk about being on edge, what with that crazy ass dictator, Kim Jong, sitting not but a country away. I say we need to do something about him. Ah but don't worry, we will.

So this Friday my husband and I will be able to get out of the house  for a little while. His command is throwing a late christmas party and we're going. It wasn't supposed to have happened like that. He just bought a ticket to get out of working next weekend. Then someone else gave him his ticket because he didn't want to go, but didn't want to work either. So now we're going. I can't wait. I know that I am going to be the DD, but I have some whiskey for later.

I have to say thank you to our baby sitter Friday. Me and her have practically followed each other around the world. From Florida to Lemoore. Every place I go, she's there. And I think I actually talked her husband and her to move to Oklahoma. I figure it's destiny. If we have been at the same place over and over again for three years, wouldn't it be sweet if we ended up living close to each other too?

Well, Donnie has learned to say momma. Don't get me wrong, he knew that word and every once in awhile he would say it. But now he says it all the time. Like if he gets mad, or if he wants to be picked up. Which is so sweet because he comes over to me, grabs my leg, looks up, and says momma over and over again.

He's getting to be so big now. I remember when I brought him home from the hospital. I know, he's only nine months, and still a baby, but it seems amazing how fast time goes. It feels like yesterday that I was on deployment, hating it, and wishing that I was off of that damn steel prison. Now I am and it seems that I can't stop thinking about that ship and the people I knew on there.

Well, I think that I have gone on too long. Better days!