Friday, November 27, 2009

Turkey Day and Driving

This was the first Thanksgiving back in the states and it was fun. I ended up going to Maria's, Guierez's, house for Thanksgiving in L.A. At first I felt like a third wheel because the only person I knew was her and ALL of her family was there. But they welcomed me in and gave me a place to sleep. Which was comfortable.

And what made me happy is that I made a new friend. We have plans to go get pictures taken after I have my little junior. And last night we were talking crazy about trying out for Playboy bunnies. But really, I don't see Mike minding if I actually became a bunny. And what is the worst they are going to say? No? Wow, hear a lot of that anyways.

So now all I am waiting for is for the exam results to come out and my week will be complete. Tomorrow I am going to go see my sister. But from L.A. it's going to be a long drive. But I will manage. I have to stop tomorrow to get some cash but it's worth it.

I'm kind of bummed because I have been a bitch to Mike lately and I never meant to hurt him. And now he's not calling me and I want to hear his voice, and not just that, I want to talk to him. I'm really sad. Yes we will see each other in December, but what for ten days? It gets me sad because I know that those days are going to fly by and I will come back to California by myself.

But what's awesome is that when I get back from leave, they will put me in military housing. So I will have a place of my own! I can cook my own meals and watch T.V. in my underwear with out worrying about who would see me. :D Okay maybe not in my underwear because I have a belly now, but you get the idea.

And then it's only three more months and the baby will be here. I have been freaking out about the thought about giving birth. I don't want to. But at least I can hold my little squirt and kiss him and watch as he smiles at me and giggles and all that good stuff. Plus Mike will be here then too and I get to be held by him at night as I sleep.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Life is just a dream

Have you ever felt like your life is just a dream? That reality will come and smack you in the face and you can take a big sigh of relief? Well that's how I feel like. Apart of me still wants to believe that I am back in Japan hanging with my friends. That part is waiting for me to wake up thousands of miles out of the country and that's it. Another part of me knows this isn't true, but still, I wish it was.

My friends are back in Japan, and it's hard getting ahold of them because of the time difference. But it feels like I can just hop a train and go visit them. Or at least walk out my front door and I can see them. And what's even more weird is that complete strangers look like people I know from a distance. And when I get close to them, they turn into someone else. I know it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but it's still creepy.

Three more weeks and I get to see Mike. I have been having these really awful dreams lately about him though. And sometimes it feels so weird. I hate it most of the time. But it's starting to bleed into reality. I get mad so easily at the mere thought of him, and it's only because every night those dreams are there. At least I am still dreaming about him. I guess that's one thing. Like one that I had was him not wanting to talk to me once he got home because he wants to party and sleep around without having a conscience. Even though I know it's not true, at least the last part with him sleeping around, I get mad when I don't hear from him. And it's not being mad at him. I just get mad. I think it might be the hormones or being pregnant or what.

My cell phone did a complete one eighty the other day. I lost the last one, got it replaced with the same number. And now I have ALL the numbers in my contacts that I had before plus the ones that I added. Creepy. Maybe it's just a happy christmas early from the cell phone company?

Time seems to be slipping by. I can swear that I just got here and now it's been almost three months. Three months of being by myself. I hate the navy for that. But at least I got about three and a half more months to go and I won't be pregnant anymore. I got to end this because even now I am getting even more mad. I can't help it though.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Cold days and Car Troubles

I am so irratated right now. My car has starting problems. What's worse is that google doesn't actually have the manual so I can look up the troubleshooting part. And what's even worse is that I have duty tomorrow. I should have let the mechanic take a look underneath the hood when I got my tire replaced. But pride took over reasoning. I mean, IM A MECHANIC, but not of the gas type. Still, sometimes I have to hang my head on this one. My thought, it's something to do with either the fuel line or the carburator. But without the manual, I have NO IDEA if I am right. If it was a deisel engine, I might be able to tell what the problem is.

Other than that, life is good. Can't complain. Other than my damned piece of shit car. But what can you do? Other than light it on fire and toast marshmellows off of it. That might make me happy, and warm and the marshmellow would be nice and gooy on the inside.

About a week ago I found out that I am having a boy. He is one pound already. What a fat little baby. :D I wanted a girl, but I am happy with what I got.

Three more weeks and I will get to see Mike again. I am so happy about that! I can't wait. It seems like forever since I got to see him.

The baby is kicking so hard now. I can feel it even if I am sitting down. Not so much standing, but I am sure that that will come later on. I just can't wait to see my baby face to face.

And man what can I say about my emotions, other than it's a roller coster? It seems like I am happy one minute and pissed the other. Almost bi-polar. And I get a funny feeling everytime I think of Mike and the baby. Not quite pissed, but moody for sure. I can't even handle myself.