Thursday, August 18, 2011


When you think of your very young child, what feelings do you get? Do you get all warm inside, and smile outwards? What if they are being a brat? What then?

Today, my child refused to take a nap. I had him in the crib less then ten minutes, and he got up and started screaming. I figured that he would fall asleep while I took a shower. Nope. So I figured he would fall asleep pretty soon afterwards. Nope. I went into my bedroom to take a nap, because I was tired. I couldn't get to sleep because my son kept screaming at the top of his lungs.

Finally, about an hour of it, I got up, got him out of the crib, and let him play in the living room. He hid behind the curtain, screaming his head off, looking out the window. I guess he was trying to get a neighbor concerned about his well being. Luckily, no one was around to question my parenting. I took out one of his snack foods, and made him some lunch. While I was microwaving something that probably will give an older person pause to wonder if it will cause a heart attack, my son decided to take the snack, dump it all on the ground, and squish it into the carpet.

After that, he decided to give his lunch to the dogs. Or tried too. I knew what he was thinking, and let my two whore mongering mutts outside so he couldn't make sure they ate his food.

What did I get for that? My son throwing my cell phone around like it was expendable. I don't let him play with it anymore. Once he figured out he can make Mommy dance around nervously while he tried breaking it that is. Don't ask me how he got it. How he gets it every day. That child is a freaking ninja.

I decided to put him back down for a nap. He was acting like a little devil, and I was at my patience. I didn't want my husband to come home and see Donnie hanging by his toes on the ceiling while his wife was drinking some bliss out of a beer bottle. I figured that that would be just a tiny bit too much.

Also, who would have thought being married means your husband turns into a two year old himself? I constantly have to go around, picking up his messes which he refuses to pick up himself. Added to that, if he sees dog poop on the ground, he refuses to pick it up, letting me find it. Which usually ends up in me stepping in it.

Today was my breaking point. Not only did he not throw away the pee filled diaper, thus enabling my puppy to chew it into a tiny pieces on the ground, but he left a steaming pile of dog shat on my carpet. When asked, he claimed that he was butt naked, and couldn't pick it up. Oh wait, but he still walked through the house to the laundry room ass naked. Does that make any sense? Usually, his replies are along the lines of, I don't have time because I am getting ready for work. But he has about half an hour to dick around after he gets ready.

Today is one of the days that I wish with all my heart that I have never gotten pregnant. Where would I be? Probably on a beach somewhere, getting drunk, and not for one moment wondering what it would be like to be "settled down." I think God did this for a laugh. You know, a laugh at me.

Don't get me wrong, when things are going good, they are going great. But it only sucks when things fall apart. I know that people can't have their way all time, but come on! Excuse me while I look for what's left of my sanity!

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